tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-147829112024-03-23T13:27:54.559-05:00Books and BeliefsReflections from author Sheyna Galyan on how our smallest thoughts can influence the world around us.Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.comBlogger270125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-82745634646713518172021-07-19T16:41:00.002-05:002021-07-19T16:42:04.873-05:00MY BLOG HAS MOVED! <div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I am now blogging over at my own site: </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://sheynagalyan.com" style="font-size: x-large;">https://sheynagalyan.com</a><span style="font-size: x-large;">, which launched today!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGEEcz121tqyMmugb9nBsM0JSNDYPidkGvzChjkH0vuq88u_JHirXhxoogiXo5gXMyz3JO_F5M8USkStCRdZXFU7eHvMUTiq0l2dWvqhyu2joDyYkVOqOvvDF1WOnOss01-jYG/s1080/SG+logo+for+social.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGEEcz121tqyMmugb9nBsM0JSNDYPidkGvzChjkH0vuq88u_JHirXhxoogiXo5gXMyz3JO_F5M8USkStCRdZXFU7eHvMUTiq0l2dWvqhyu2joDyYkVOqOvvDF1WOnOss01-jYG/s320/SG+logo+for+social.png" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></span><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Please update any bookmarks or blog rolls (is that still even a thing?)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I'd love to see you over there! </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Come check out all the cool, new stuff </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">and feel free to drop me a line. </span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://sheynagalyan.com">https://sheynagalyan.com</a></span></div>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-9879897363785924522021-06-25T07:45:00.001-05:002021-06-25T07:45:00.205-05:00Guides Can Be a Source of Support<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_UlXu9kG4abXATwYAIaz7addgrd_FrkgA2KrjQB_WP3VyvboKxC45T_j5hD7RaM6gN7F5e-9yKaiO53EPxGkF6bO3XRw8kVQ9u9vF46ljYk4AQfwjBxWKBgBQhDaBNyDvCce/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="446" data-original-width="791" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE_UlXu9kG4abXATwYAIaz7addgrd_FrkgA2KrjQB_WP3VyvboKxC45T_j5hD7RaM6gN7F5e-9yKaiO53EPxGkF6bO3XRw8kVQ9u9vF46ljYk4AQfwjBxWKBgBQhDaBNyDvCce/w400-h225/Screenshot+2021-06-23+130829.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’ve talked this week about trauma, especially unsupported
trauma. This is where an event or situation takes place that overwhelms a
person’s nervous system (their fight/flight/freeze/fawn response gets stuck in
the “on” position), their brain senses a threat to them, and they feel
powerless. And then they are alone with these feelings or when they try to
reach out for support, they’re ridiculed, told they’re wrong, told not to be
“so negative” and to only “think positively,” or otherwise invalidated.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve said that sources for that support can (hopefully) be
friends, family, partners, therapists, and coaches.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another source of support is your guides. Spirit guides,
angels, animal spirits, beings of light, all can provide you with that needed
support and validation.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hear two primary arguments from people about looking to
guides.</p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Relying on non-corporeal beings is not as effective as relying on people physically present in your life<br /><br /></li><li>Guides aren't real</li></ol><p></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let’s take these one at a time.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Relying on non-corporeal beings is not as effective as
relying on people physically present in your life</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s <i>different</i>, yes. No question. But different doesn’t
mean worse or less effective. We’re trained to trust what we can see, smell,
touch, taste, and hear. We’re not often trained to trust what we feel
energetically. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Religion works really well for some people. And I’m sure
they’d say that relying on God or Jesus or Allah or Hashem or Brahman or El or any
of the other thousands of deities found in human religion is <i>at least as
effective if not more</i> than relying on humans. Humans can let us down. Humans
get caught up in their own lives. Humans forget. Humans sometimes put their own
interests before others.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you’re lucky enough to have a human in your life who has
never once let you down, then more power to you. By definition, trauma
survivors have known the less pleasant sides of humanity. Many of us have been
betrayed, hurt, rejected, and worse.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Guides aren’t real<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What reality are you talking about? The reality where people
have a near-death experience (NDE) and their lives change? The reality where
people experience miraculous healing, and their lives change? Or maybe the
reality where there are numerous stories about a rescuer—tow truck driver,
paramedic—who, when asked about later, no one has ever seen or heard of? <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Or how about my reality? The one where the more I worked
with my guides, the more I healed, the more I was guided to people who could
continue to help me heal, the more I began to trust myself, love myself.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Look at the results. If a person has a mystical or spiritual
experience, meets their guides, or is the recipient of what might be called a
miracle, and as a result, they also experience more joy, more love, more peace,
and more healing, then I’d encourage them to continue.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If, on the other hand, their health and relationships
deteriorate, they trust themselves <i>less</i>, and they live in a constant
state of fear, anger, or numbness, then whatever they’re doing isn’t working.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That said, with the hundreds of people I’ve worked with
(professionally and informally) over the years, helping them with their guides,
not one of them has suffered as a result of relying on guidance. <o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-57883466372881664312021-06-17T08:00:00.005-05:002021-06-17T08:00:00.251-05:00What “living the life you’ve always wanted” really means<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-enKucCYJl1VEVe5r-XIzN6pOL9Pb84OOMM5zbd_R1bc5-Mwq7xSGGv-pqZvX8cmiheJskjqBZBvL2JD1EIHtl4gDc_YCeae46RdzhGLTzLE5nTjdjkKiE1Wuh9o7DcuEEeZJ/s640/blowing+dandelion+wishes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="640" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-enKucCYJl1VEVe5r-XIzN6pOL9Pb84OOMM5zbd_R1bc5-Mwq7xSGGv-pqZvX8cmiheJskjqBZBvL2JD1EIHtl4gDc_YCeae46RdzhGLTzLE5nTjdjkKiE1Wuh9o7DcuEEeZJ/w400-h266/blowing+dandelion+wishes.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />I say that I’m about helping people to live the life they’ve always
wanted, the life that they were taught they couldn’t have or didn’t deserve.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Let’s talk about what that means. And what it doesn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It doesn’t mean that all your wishes will come true or that your
guides operate as genies or that your life will magically become easy, and you’ll
never want for anything again.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here’s the thing—well, three things—which I’ll be talking about
again:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We don’t create our lives in a vacuum.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Everyone does not have equal access and
resources.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Guides are not a quick fix.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We don’t create our lives in a vacuum</span></b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Despite what many Law of Attraction teachers say, manifestation
doesn’t occur solely because you really want something and visualize it and
think happy thoughts about it all the time. And not having what you desire
doesn’t mean that it’s your fault and you just didn’t want it badly enough. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The truth is that we co-create this physical world. <i>And </i>we
have free will. And all choices come with consequences, some of which are pleasant
and some of which are unpleasantly unpleasant. Further, some of those
consequences can last for generations or centuries. We live, to some degree or
another, with the consequences not only of our own choices but also the choices
of others.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">And that leads me to…<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Everyone does not have equal access and resources<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Everyone has access to guides and their resources, yes. Not
everyone is comfortable with that, for any number of reasons. But I’m talking
specifically about access to and resources for the life you’ve always wanted
but were taught you couldn’t have or didn’t deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You <i>can </i>have some form of the life you’ve always wanted. And
you <i>do </i>deserve it, simply for existing in the world. But <i>how </i>you
get there may be easier or more difficult than it is for others, depending on
what obstacles are in your way. What obstacles, you ask? Those same obstacles
that are the consequences of others’ free will choices, which includes (but is
not limited to) racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia,
inequalities in employment, housing, education, medicine, and law, food insecurity,
and disability.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If you face one or more of these obstacles, it does not mean you
can’t have the life you’ve always wanted. It does not mean there’s no point in
trying. It means that it might not look like others’ lives, it might not even
look like how you think it <i>should </i>look, but it will give you the
experiences you want in your life. And your guides can help you.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Which brings me to…<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Guides are not a quick fix<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Quick fixes are popular. What’s not to like? Do something that requires
minimal effort, minimal time, preferably minimal cost, and get what you want. Sounds
awesome, right? Whether it’s in the form of something you ingest, something you
apply, something you wear, something you keep nearby, or something you use in
another way, these quick fixes can make our lives easier, more comfortable, more
convenient. But they don’t always (or even often) create lasting, permanent
change. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Some people <i>do </i>teach connection with guidance as a quick
fix. They have you listen to a meditation, meet your guides, and then—<i>voila!</i>—you
can ask them anything you want and get answers. I saw one promotion for an
inexpensive, self-guided, online class where you’d allegedly learn to connect
with your guides and then life would become easy. Rainbows and unicorns.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Guides do not dispense vending machine advice. What they offer is
a partnership with you. What they offer is a relationship. And that takes some
time and effort.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">What “living the life you’ve always wanted” really means<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Living the life you've longed for means learning to trust yourself
and your guidance to discern what is for you to do yourself, what is for you to
do in community, and what is for others to do (or stop doing). It means learning
that you are not broken or unlovable, that there is nothing wrong with you, and
that you have permission to have the life you’ve always wanted. It means asking
for help and support. It means showing up and taking action to make that life a
physical reality.<br />
<br />
It is not our guides' job to intervene to make life more fair, or to even the
playing field, or even to ensure that all human beings are treated with
dignity. It's not their job to intervene in our free will at all. <br />
<br />
What they <i>can</i> do is remind us of the truth of our divine essence, help
us experience what we came here to the planet to experience, and guide us to truly
know authentic, messy, tear-stained love of self and others along the way.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-14542013218022665022021-06-16T12:46:00.008-05:002021-06-16T21:56:23.469-05:00Set in Motion<p>SET IN MOTION</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRt91z-mOVXb7Wauj1Kmb1P3t_T1WOpK_ziLZ2ebEOuoERIzo_YcGDwkbSAQntjtivN7AmW9lnySqvXMHTPesWyvXQm_w0UinKAsxpduz3a_7nvXMnqxsnx3QPClJ2tTimpnD0/s1191/Video+still+from+Set+In+Motion.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="1191" height="362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRt91z-mOVXb7Wauj1Kmb1P3t_T1WOpK_ziLZ2ebEOuoERIzo_YcGDwkbSAQntjtivN7AmW9lnySqvXMHTPesWyvXQm_w0UinKAsxpduz3a_7nvXMnqxsnx3QPClJ2tTimpnD0/w640-h362/Video+still+from+Set+In+Motion.png" width="640" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>This is how everything changed.</p><p>This is how a life was saved.</p><p>This is my story.</p><p><br /></p><p>Trigger warning for a brief mention of past suicidal intention.</p><p>Also, bonus content in the last minute.</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/MGMtIuwkXU0">https://youtu.be/MGMtIuwkXU0</a></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-4727613128007778172021-06-15T11:20:00.000-05:002021-06-15T11:20:40.173-05:00Soul Guides: What I Do . . . For You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzNNtRF2h3ELpmQhJzEeph14ALRtMgosfFyFaWMA3_sUyoac9n3cxbHZgl0g8vDEajkPeeHDCg3kIvtNZCGPuoT16oDlkWctYpJmnLgUuT_pYpUIh96iChrM3jIkGlEg3OAZpS/s1080/196416088_10161094721088625_4211109061163897218_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzNNtRF2h3ELpmQhJzEeph14ALRtMgosfFyFaWMA3_sUyoac9n3cxbHZgl0g8vDEajkPeeHDCg3kIvtNZCGPuoT16oDlkWctYpJmnLgUuT_pYpUIh96iChrM3jIkGlEg3OAZpS/w320-h320/196416088_10161094721088625_4211109061163897218_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Can you guess which of the following paid occupations I've NOT had?</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Law clerk</div><div>2. Mental health counselor</div><div>3. Journalist</div><div>4. Researcher</div><div>.</div><div>.</div><div>.</div><div>.</div><div>.</div><div>That was...a trick question. I've had all of them. But I want to talk a bit about my work as a mental health counselor.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the early 1990s, I was hired by a residential addiction treatment facility for women who were pregnant or had children under age three. My job was initially to create a relapse prevention program that offered additional resources and tools to residents who were survivors of trauma (most notably child and domestic abuse). I then began counseling these women, as an adjunct to other required therapy, on how they could cope with their manifestations of trauma instead of self-medicating.</div><div><br /></div><div>In this facility, we focused on those who self-medicated with drugs or alcohol, but there are many more who self-medicate with shopping, gaming, gambling, sex, relationships, self-harm, food, exercise, and on and on. It was the beginning of trauma-informed addiction recovery there.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fast-forward thirty years and I’ve healed decades of abuse I endured. I've raised two children to healthy, well-balanced adulthood. I've been through my own intense trauma treatment with EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing®. I live a trauma-informed life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am not a mental health counselor anymore. I’m not licensed and I don’t practice therapy. I also don’t consider myself a healer. I do, however, offer coaching.</div><div><br /></div><div>What’s the difference?</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's my take:</div><div>A therapist helps a person heal their present by addressing what led them to this point (e.g.: trauma, core beliefs, emotional avoidance, etc.). Especially in clinical settings, it requires a "problem/ solution with measurable progress" paradigm. It is the surgery of the psyche, going after the root of the issue.</div><div><br /></div><div>A coach helps a person change their present by addressing their thoughts, beliefs, and actions in the present moment and moving forward. It can operate as both problem/solution and also support/ celebration/accountability. This is the physical therapy of the psyche.</div><div><br /></div><div>A healer helps a person change their present by addressing their energetic and physical health in the moment and moving forward. This is the medicine of the psyche.</div><div><br /></div><div>While there are some overlaps, they largely have their own areas of focus.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I’m coaching, we honor the past and acknowledge that it has an impact, sometimes profound. But we don’t go digging for it. We don’t go back to the past to try to heal it. That’s for therapy, which I usually recommend be trauma-informed.</div><div><br /></div><div>Instead, we focus on the now. And that’s where intuition and soul guides—mine and yours—come in. Because guides can see patterns and what can happen if you continue to engage in the same patterns of thought, belief, and behavior. (Some humans, including me, can do that too. Guides are better at it.) </div><div><br /></div><div>If you’ll pardon a food metaphor, you’ve been picking at a plate of rubber chicken, cold lima beans, and undercooked Brussels sprouts for a lot of your life, because that’s what <i>other people</i> told you that you were supposed to want. That’s the life that would please others. It doesn’t please you.</div><div><br /></div><div>You want a plate of, well, your <i>ideal</i> meal. Food that makes your taste buds come alive and your brain sing with dopamine. Some people—and sometimes society in general—have told you that you can’t have that ideal meal because of who you are, or because of your race, your income, your religion, your sexuality, your gender, your job, your weight, your intelligence, your mental or physical health, or something else. </div><div><br /></div><div>Working with your guides and/or your intuition is the fork or spoon (no sporks here) that is going to get that ideal meal to your mouth, bite by divine bite. (Usually not all at once; divine stomachaches are not a walk in the park.)</div><div><br /></div><div>And I offer more than one-on-one coaching, because not everyone is into that. I’ve been writing articles for years on these topics, and I have a new book coming out later this year: <i>10 Things Your Soul Guides Want You to Know: Especially if You Have Anxiety, Depression, Chronic Pain, or PTSD* *With arguments and questions from a human with all four</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>If you’re at all interested in any of this, sign up for my weekly email list, with informative articles, resources, book updates, fun with guides, and more: <a href="https://bit.ly/SheynaGalyanNews">https://bit.ly/SheynaGalyanNews</a></div><div><br /></div><div>For more information: <a href="https://linktr.ee/sheynagalyan">https://linktr.ee/sheynagalyan</a></div><div><br /></div>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-5451974142097192272021-03-11T12:57:00.001-06:002021-03-11T12:57:11.321-06:00One Year Ago Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQUKHgtj0z8bwsmtKGSp_ImTG8bghSSVsvGVez6DD8ksVwz7Hu-0vJHyW6teztPFbDDM9G3zV8WWr55N2lN4KtglBk8ctQnk0mvdXA5QTCIlsXO78LzpjumiK3qycyKYuzm_sE/s1280/calendar-1847346_1280%257E2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1218" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQUKHgtj0z8bwsmtKGSp_ImTG8bghSSVsvGVez6DD8ksVwz7Hu-0vJHyW6teztPFbDDM9G3zV8WWr55N2lN4KtglBk8ctQnk0mvdXA5QTCIlsXO78LzpjumiK3qycyKYuzm_sE/s320/calendar-1847346_1280%257E2.png" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p>One year ago today was the last time I gathered with people who were not my household family members or medical personnel for required medical appointments. </p><p><br /></p><p>One year ago today was the last time I hugged a friend.</p><p><br /></p><p>One year ago today was the last time I ate in a restaurant. </p><p><br /></p><p>One year ago today was the last time I left the house without a mask.</p><p><br /></p><p>In the past year, I have permanently lost friends, some to COVID-19, some to conspiracy theories. Both have hurt deeply.</p><p><br /></p><p>In the past year, I have also been witness to incredible resiliency, patience, courage, determination, and authenticity, some of it my own.</p><p><br /></p><p>In the past year, I simultaneously felt like I lost faith in humanity and renewed my faith in humanity.</p><p><br /></p><p>In the past year, I have become even more conscious of what's truly important to me, of where I need to grow, where I need more compassion, and where I can stop holding back out of fear. </p><p><br /></p><p>One year ago today, everything changed.</p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-67029873058673995992020-10-25T16:12:00.001-05:002020-10-25T16:34:59.249-05:00The Journey to Love: Healing Birthday Trauma<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmPlCjxoNvrqkl9Q47GbE-8aLRot8ao3YyUqwHmeE_RLCvL6ZPSgo790MnSrvojKmbfXL0n6qswG_GS3iJSw0G86ewZ3tPbmrFjgVho9lrmyDLykFr32l3-BUxZmtwfSNG7Ko/s2048/tore-f-jh3X89yh6pI-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmPlCjxoNvrqkl9Q47GbE-8aLRot8ao3YyUqwHmeE_RLCvL6ZPSgo790MnSrvojKmbfXL0n6qswG_GS3iJSw0G86ewZ3tPbmrFjgVho9lrmyDLykFr32l3-BUxZmtwfSNG7Ko/w640-h426/tore-f-jh3X89yh6pI-unsplash.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@tore_f?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Tore F</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/heart-balloons?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">A</span>s I write this, it’s my birthday.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Like many trauma survivors, my birthday has never really
been a day of celebration and joy. Rather, it’s been a collection of traumas
big and small, a message layered year after year that I’m not worth celebrating.
<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Until this year. Because this year, with a lot of help, I
processed the trauma around my birthday. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I see now how I was taking other people’s words and actions
(or lack thereof) and making it about me. That’s easy to do, and a normal part
of child development. And as happens with trauma, we can get stuck with
unprocessed trauma, in the same stage of development we were in when it
happened. So the child who blames themself for being unlovable, as children do
when they are rejected, overlooked, ignored, punished unfairly, and so on,
becomes the adult who blames themself for being unlovable. And every time those
old wounds get triggered by current words or actions (or lack thereof), it’s
taken as proof that the old wound’s message was right: I am unlovable.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When we process the trauma, we can separate ourselves from
it, create a more empowering belief from it, and place it appropriately into
the narrative of our lives that makes us who we are today.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But it must be processed. And to process it, we
have to be honest about how we feel, be willing to feel the emotions, accept that
the emotions are a natural and necessary part of who we are as human beings, express
those emotions in a way that does not cause harm to ourselves or others, and
love ourselves on the other side.</p><hr width="33%" /><p></p><span></span><p class="MsoNormal">The day before my birthday, I sobbed. I grieved for the
child who so often was rejected or ignored. I grieved for the child who believed
that a pleasant birthday experience had to be earned. I grieved for the child
who never wanted to have another birthday because it was only a reminder of being
unloved.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I had a call with my coach that day. Knowing she’s a safe
person, and our calls are sacred space where I can freely be my full self, I
sobbed in front of her. She saw my tears, witnessed my grief, and heard my
pain. And when I had shared enough for her to understand why birthdays were so
painful, she gently reminded me that what others say or do (or don’t say or do)
does not diminish my worth one iota. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An image from my three years of EMDR (eye movement desensitization
and reprocessing) trauma therapy came up. In the image, I was standing on a
crowded beach, in pain. Everyone around me was wearing sunglasses, but as I looked
more closely, I realized that some of these glasses didn’t just block the sun.
They also blocked the ability to see others, or others’ pain, or only certain
people. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">It wasn’t that they didn’t care. It was that they couldn’t
see me. It’s no one’s fault, including mine, and it also doesn’t change who I
am. How others see me (if they do), has everything to do with their perspective
(glasses) and nothing to do with who I am.</p><p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am neither diminished nor elevated based on how others
perceive me, including if they don’t perceive me at all.<o:p></o:p></p>
<hr width="33%" />
<p class="MsoNormal">On the morning of my birthday, I woke with a physical feeling
in my body that <i>what others say or do is not about me.</i> And making it
about me is what I as a child did because that was developmentally appropriate
for a child. I don’t need to do that anymore. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I felt a complete separation between what others say or do
and who I am. I felt in touch with the truth of who I am as a spirit being of
love. I felt joyous. I felt loved by the universe. I loved myself.<o:p></o:p></p><span></span><span></span><p class="MsoNormal">At 11:56 p.m. the night of my birthday, I saw the clock and that
internal, critical voice noted, “Only four more minutes of my birthday, and then
it’s over.”</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“No,” I said aloud, shaking my head. Because <i>every </i>day
is a day to celebrate the truth of who I am, to love myself, and feel loved by
the universe. <i>Every </i>day can feel like my birthday, and I can celebrate
everyone who comes into my life and invite them to celebrate love with me. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Every day is another opportunity to experience life from a
place of love. Every day is an opportunity to truly know that we matter.<o:p></o:p></p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-6601433850761341612020-08-20T16:48:00.000-05:002020-08-20T16:48:13.897-05:00Stay In Your Lane<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">I
spent several weeks in June helping my oldest son get all the practice he needed
to take his driver’s license road test. And he discovered, as all of us who
learn to drive do, that when driving on the highway, even small movements at
the wheel can significantly change the trajectory of the vehicle when you’re
traveling at 60 miles per hour.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
refrain he most often heard from me during those highway trips was, “Stay in
your lane.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
imagine the surprise and a certain amount of frustration when that became the refrain
from my guides to <i>me</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
went like this.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was scrolling through Facebook, as one does, finding myself getting sucked into
reading arguments about Covid-19, about masks, about the USPS, about racism,
about the upcoming election, and about politics in general. People were
doubling down on conspiracy theories, supplementing them with QAnon talking points.
And my energy went from open and peaceful to fear and anger.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
need to get off of Facebook,” Dresden, my primary guide, cautioned me.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“How
are people believing some of this?” I asked. “Have you <i>seen </i>this?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What
I’m seeing is you not getting off of Facebook.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“This
is just <i>wrong</i>!” I continued. “This isn’t true at all. Science debunked
this years ago.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Don’t
go there.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Here,
look. Someone else posted a well-written rebuttal from a verified source. I should
copy this source for use in the future.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Sheyna,”
Dresden said in a tone I hadn’t heard in a while. “Stay in your lane.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“What?
I’m not driving.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You’re
heading in a direction that will not take you where you want to go,” Dresden
said. “Remind me what you uncovered as your mission.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
remembered a kind of psychic download that I’d just recently received. “<a name="_Hlk48833387">I connect you to your true self and your own kick-ass team
of guides, who are ready to help you live a powerful life of love, joy, and
freedom.</a>”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And
what did you then discern was your mission on social media?” Dresden asked.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
share what I've learned and experienced — both pleasant and unpleasant — in my
journey to that powerful life of love, joy, and freedom.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And
how is <i>this</i>,” Dresden waved toward my phone, “helping you stay true to
your mission?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Um…”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
think you’re just browsing posts,” Dresden said, “but is it taking you anywhere
close to love, joy, or freedom?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
need to know where people are, where they’re coming from,” I argued, knowing already
it wasn’t helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“How
is allowing yourself to get mired in anger and fear going to help you
experience love, joy, or freedom, or for that matter, helping anyone else experience
that?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“It
isn’t.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“And
what will?” Dresden prodded.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The
things I’m drawn to: meditation, time in nature, talking with you, laughter.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“So…?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“So,
I don’t need that rebuttal? Or any other evidence that would support where I
stand on these issues?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“That
isn’t your mission,” Dresden said. “Not this time.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“I
need to be very mindful of what I consume on social media,” I said. “Stay true
to my mission. Stay in my lane.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaWdIG_GgCDDRw-Jc4xlTUwjhr46litJ8pR0ufoUI6xON7kIs409_WyrwVDKbqACj7Vd3PKBGbGWo5w9AMgKmZeHXvd7sEn10aRCqrXlfp5XLk5oe3BuUZNFZkt3m5359nWCt7/s1080/What+I+Do.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaWdIG_GgCDDRw-Jc4xlTUwjhr46litJ8pR0ufoUI6xON7kIs409_WyrwVDKbqACj7Vd3PKBGbGWo5w9AMgKmZeHXvd7sEn10aRCqrXlfp5XLk5oe3BuUZNFZkt3m5359nWCt7/s640/What+I+Do.jpg" /></a></div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span><p></p>
<p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;"> </span> </p>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-29354209600100223922020-06-04T16:59:00.000-05:002020-06-04T17:04:43.183-05:00On Confession, Denial, and White Privilege<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH_0BXY9A7PEBSafPP5Q7m_JN_rK8GSYATaDII8ivawc8UpM-2t6YaPBzfT2QU_H05hOvKb571jOi_ppOgy0DU4nZRHri_QNsL1tCsmtGbDWpGqW-nsjohGl470lcPzTIlPqoH/s1600/BLM-blogpost.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="586" data-original-width="1600" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH_0BXY9A7PEBSafPP5Q7m_JN_rK8GSYATaDII8ivawc8UpM-2t6YaPBzfT2QU_H05hOvKb571jOi_ppOgy0DU4nZRHri_QNsL1tCsmtGbDWpGqW-nsjohGl470lcPzTIlPqoH/s640/BLM-blogpost.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Image by Betty Martin</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I’m white. I’m Jewish. I’m an abuse survivor. And I’m a former mental health counselor and current soul guides coach with a specialty in adult survivors of trauma. This collection of experiences and perspectives comes together and leads me to invite my fellow white people to be with me here in the pain and grief and rage and powerlessness in this week following the murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis police.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I invite you, fellow white people, to be here with me and to consider another perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We Jews don’t do individual confession the way Catholics (and perhaps other Christians) do. On Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, we recite—five times—the Viddui, a prayer for the confession of sins. And what makes this different and unique is that we recite it communally. We <i>all </i>confess to the same failures, whether we know we are guilty of them or not. We do this for a few reasons:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">As a communal people, a tribe, what one of us does, it affects our entire community;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">We are creating a sacred space for those who know they need to confess, but don’t want to admit it;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">We are acknowledging that even if we don’t think we’ve failed in this particular way, we know we could have unknowingly, and that we have the capacity to do so.</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the Viddui, we confess to failures such as being self-destructive, betraying ourselves and our families, stealing from others (including time, energy, attention), being impulsive, stubborn, ignorant, and this one, especially now: we have diminished the importance of others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We Jews have historically always been on the side of the underdog. We’ve <i>been </i>the underdog. In some places in the world, we still are. And we are all, Jewish or not, much better at empathizing with the victim than the perpetrator. We can’t help but imagine what Mr. Floyd’s last few agonizing minutes were like, we see the injustices and feel angry and called to protest them in some form, and we place our solidarity with those who have been wronged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Most, if not all of us, know what it feels like to not be able to breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My invitation for you today is to step away from that perspective for a few minutes. Make sure you’re in a safe space, as you do this, and if you also have trauma in your background, that you have support people nearby, physically or virtually. Begin to take deep, easy, rhythmic breaths. Any distracting thoughts can be let go for now. They’ll return when you need them. Feel the support beneath your body and allow your muscles to relax. Then, focus on your heart, on the love you have for others, the love you have for yourself, the love others have for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Remember that we as human beings <i>are</i> all connected energetically. On one level, we are all George Floyd. And that means we are also, on one level, all Derek Chauvin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Saying that we are all George Floyd gives us a sense of righteous fury, of fighting for equality and justice. And for all of us who are white, it means being less likely to be shot down (literally or figuratively) for that. Because like it or not, believe it or not, the reality is that we have white privilege.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Saying that we are all Derek Chauvin? That has an entirely different feeling to it. And I would submit to you that almost no one wants to say that and mean it. But that’s precisely what I’m asking you to do right now for this exercise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the same way that we confess in the Viddui that we have caused pain to others, say silently or aloud, “We are all Derek Chauvin.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What feelings come up? Denial? Anger? Disgust that I’d even suggest this? For many, the immediate reaction is, “No way, I am <i>nothing </i>like him.” But that’s not the point. The point is not whether you, an individual, have acted (or even thought) like another individual. The point is that we are part of a community that <i>has</i>, and that <i>continues</i> to, treat Black, indigenous, and other people of color as less-than. We are part of a community that has discriminated in housing, employment, social services, policing, law, and education, among others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That’s the discomfort I invite you to be with. The discomfort of knowing that we are part of a community that has caused pain, betrayal, that has stolen futures and lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Am I suggesting that you are equally guilty of murder? As an individual, no. As a community, yes, we are. And here’s why: The people we vote for, the people we trust, the people we defend, the people we elect to lead us, the people we give our money to—these are the people who have written the laws and policies and contracts and rules that have led to where we are today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we as white people elect a racist person to lead any part of our community because that racist person values businesses and profit and property over the quality of life—and the lives themselves—of Black, indigenous, and other people of color, then we are part of the problem. When we as white people make excuses for police brutality because “the people they arrested shouldn’t have done what they did,” we are part of the problem. When we as white people use racist language and excuse it by saying we mean it as a joke, we are part of the problem. When we give money—in donations or by using our purchasing power—to racist and white supremacist business owners, we are part of the problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In myriad ways, we are part of the problem that has led to where we are today. And we are part of the solution. But we can only be a part of the solution by acknowledging and <i>owning</i> our collective responsibility, our communal sin, and how the decisions we and those who came before us made, how the way we have bought into even subtle systemic racism, have created the Derek Chauvins of this world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Be with the discomfort, the anger, the denial, the disgust. And recognize that those feelings are there to point you in a direction toward healing. None of us <i>want</i> to be Derek Chauvin. So, what are you going to do to atone for our communal responsibility? Whose voices will you amplify? Who will you invite to speak at your organization? Who will you vote for? What petitions will you sign? Where will you donate? What will you repost? What words will you choose? How will you show up in your life, in your family, in the world?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our communal responsibility is not a sentence of punishment. It’s an opportunity to do better, to be better. Will you take it?</span></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-87027447118070823662020-04-17T16:58:00.001-05:002020-04-17T17:19:54.696-05:00Uh...<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
Uh…<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Um,” “uh,” “you know,” and “like” were <i>verbal diarrhea</i>, according to my eighth grade speech and debate teacher. He added that using words like this made us sound stupid, and I did <i>not </i>want to be seen as stupid, so I threw myself into eliminating every filler word possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two years later, working a summer job, I drafted my legal research on a pro bono case involving the definition of the word <i>sunset</i> for my father, a well-known attorney in the south San Francisco Bay Area at the time. Rather than rewriting it, he thought it good enough to present to the judge as I’d written it. Then he asked me to accompany him to court for the case.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The judge recognized immediately that it wasn’t my father’s writing style, and asked who wrote the brief. My father said I did, and motioned me to stand. Then the judge addressed me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What do you want to do for a career, young lady?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Um…” I began.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I didn’t tell him I wanted to be a writer, because my parents already convinced me I’d never make any money at it, and I should give up that dream. I didn’t tell him I wanted to be a psychologist, that I wanted to guide others toward healing emotional wounds, because I’d already been lectured on the “soft sciences” not being <i>real </i>science. I told him I was thinking of law school.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wanted his approval. (He was a judge, after all.) I wanted to present an image that others would approve of.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdn5xQ3-UR1i9Rr2jKCWGDlIIcN8_kic2VU3KVrLiPL0vDJfo_FDdOpK5nCM31dHiIn3Iv0eGquIbjD-LQ3ExWfSee9I5C_w9uYvpdPs1Bw8L2PCl9x0X8pEwWj1xGElBtzsvP/s1600/girl+with+dictionary.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1233" data-original-width="1600" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdn5xQ3-UR1i9Rr2jKCWGDlIIcN8_kic2VU3KVrLiPL0vDJfo_FDdOpK5nCM31dHiIn3Iv0eGquIbjD-LQ3ExWfSee9I5C_w9uYvpdPs1Bw8L2PCl9x0X8pEwWj1xGElBtzsvP/s320/girl+with+dictionary.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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For the next twenty years, I did my best to perfect that image. I called it my mask. And behind it, I was dying. I didn’t want to always look and be professional and competent and constantly prove myself and subject myself to judgment every time I opened my mouth. I wanted to live in jeans and go without makeup and give voice to the voices in my head—those of my guides and those of the characters that had stories to tell.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I had a 90s power suit, was the assistant to the executive director of a university business department, and spent a good deal of time on the phone soliciting money from wealthy donors. I wanted to write and watch the clouds go by and eat ice cream messily.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In my thirties, I got that chance. I had kids. And I wrote two novels. And I spent a lot of time looking at clouds and hunting for Little Boy’s Other White Sock.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now I’m just into my fifties, my kids have become well-adjusted young adults, and I’ve embarked on my true love—even beyond writing: teaching others how to connect with their <a href="https://soul-guides.com/" target="_blank">soul guides</a>, their intuition, and their joy, and how to use those in every aspect of their lives. In making this shift in my work, judgment came back. How should I dress? How professional do I need to look? What should I say?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Uh…<o:p></o:p></div>
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But here’s the thing: I don’t want another mask. Now, when you get me, you get <i>me</i>, ums and uhs and awkward silences and all.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There’s actually a <a href="https://www.bustle.com/articles/130740-why-do-we-say-um-heres-what-science-has-to-say-about-our-choice-of-fillers" style="color: #954f72;">science behind all those filler words</a>. Sometimes I use them to let others know that I’m trying to find the right word, that I’m <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/men-say-uh-and-women-say-um/375729/" style="color: #954f72;">not done talking yet</a>, or that I’m trying to sift through my thoughts and all the input my guides are giving me. (It can be very noisy in my head.) So, Mr. R. in eighth grade speech and debate, I understand what you were trying to teach us, and, um, I reject the sacrifice of authenticity to the altar of image.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And now, in the middle of this global pandemic, when millions are unemployed in the United States, and we’re all stressed to some degree about who’s going to get sick next and if they’ll survive, and what about the economy… I encourage you to give yourselves a break. Accept all your ums and uhs and live in denim if that’s your gig and embrace who you <i>really </i>are, not the image you’ve been trying to project.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have enough false images in the world today. It’s time to be real. And whole.</div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-18982801663134953372019-12-16T17:57:00.000-06:002019-12-16T17:57:09.818-06:00ConnectionTime to reconnect<br />
Breathe<br />
Listen<br />
<br />
The gentle whispers<br />
Soft as caresses<br />
Reminding me<br />
I am<br />
Loved and lovable<br />
No need to <br />
Prove anything <br />
<br />
Trust <br />
It will all happen<br />
As it should <br />
<br />
My focus<br />
Must be on <br />
What I can do<br />
Not who sees it<br />
Or doesn't <br />
<br />
The goal is Connection<br />
For those who wish it<br />
And it cannot be forced<br />
Where it is <br />
Neither wanted<br />
Nor needed <br />
<br />
Breathe<br />
Listen<br />
Trust<br />
ConnectSheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-88477407292370745102019-08-31T16:00:00.001-05:002019-09-04T22:24:36.253-05:00My (True) Scariest Story<div class="p1">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve told a lot of scary stories. Some are published; some aren’t. But there’s one scary story I’ve never told: mine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s time because it’s been holding me back for thirty years. It keeps me at a distance from others, untrusting, wary, afraid.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It’s easier now for me to say publicly that I’ve been seeing and speaking with my spirit guides since I was little—running the risk that disbelievers will question my mental health while those on the religious right call me evil—than it is to tell this story of my past.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is the last great block in my healing, the thick quicksand of shame that slows my progress, keeps me from moving forward, and takes a toll on my mental and physical health.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">To those who know me, this may or may not come as a surprise. Any relatives who read this may find it difficult to accept, and that’s okay. None of us want to hear less than stellar things about those we love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">It really begins in my early childhood.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I grew up in a chaotic, frequently violent home. My mom’s mood could change from jovial to angry at the drop of a hat, and she’d sometimes go into rages for no discernible reason. My dad liked getting reactions out of me, and intentionally used sexist, racist, homophobic language. He sent me pornographic photos (always exposed males) via email. He repeatedly talked about my body in a sexualized way, through my childhood and well into adulthood. He frequently touched me inappropriately, claiming each time it was an accident. He said he was a “dirty old man” like his father, and he took pride in that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My mom blamed her moods on me. On what I had or hadn’t done. Nothing was ever good enough. I was never good enough. The gifts I gave her weren’t thoughtful enough, my housecleaning skills didn’t meet her standards, I talked too much, I didn’t call her enough, I was in her way, I’d distanced myself too much. And how dare I be happy when she was feeling sad. Anything she liked that I didn’t was a rejection of her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And when I reacted the way one would expect a child to react, they told me I was wrong. I was too sensitive and needed to learn to take a joke. I was ungrateful for wanting or needing more than I had, or for desires that were different from theirs. I was a prude for not wanting to be touched or ogled. I was a slut for wanting to experiment with makeup at age sixteen. I was ungrateful for not setting my life aside to be there for them whenever they needed me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My feelings of hurt or anger were labeled selfish and ungrateful. My mom said I ruined every family gathering and holiday, but I felt completely powerless. I attempted suicide more than once, and my parents ignored it. When Child Protective Services got involved, my parents got me into therapy, but then told me that they’d only pay for it if I told them what I told the therapist.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I later found out the psychiatrist they hired to see me was someone for whom my dad had done work, someone who owed him. And that psychiatrist shared everything with my dad anyway. So much for confidentiality. After a handful of sessions during which the psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and tried to convince me to take medication, they quit paying, saying they weren’t the problem. I was.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">They brought up every time that I’d conflated two similar events (a known and normal trait of human memory) as evidence that my memory couldn’t be trusted. Every detail that I got wrong, every time I remembered events out of order (even when all the events were true), they told me I couldn’t trust what I remembered. I was prone to suggestion. I made things up.</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But then, in the early 1990s, they admitted to me the things they’d done. They wouldn’t go so far as to call it “abuse” because to them, that meant broken bones and hospital visits. All I had were memories of welts, bruises, sickening touches, hurtful words, and a broken spirit. They said they did the best they could. They did say they could have done better. And then they shared some horrifying stories that they remembered, times when my mom “snapped” (her word) and went into a violent rage she couldn’t remember later. My dad recalled times when my mom called him at work, telling him to come home immediately, because she was going to kill us. And how my dad came home and wanted to know what my brother and I had done to cause this.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t feel vindicated. I just felt numb. I wish the story had ended there.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">But within a year or so of their confessions, they discovered the False Memory Syndrome Foundation—an organization founded by a guy who was accused of child sexual abuse by his adult daughter. (Those accusations against him were later corroborated by other family members.) It didn’t matter that I had never forgotten <i>any</i> of my memories, that none of them were repressed, or that the only therapy I’d had up to that point was the psychiatrist who’d shared with them everything I’d told him. My parents jumped on the bandwagon and claimed that everything I labeled “abuse” was actually a false memory, implanted by a therapist. They were innocent victims.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Granted, the psychiatrist I saw was unethical, but his only agenda in treating me was getting me medicated, which I consistently refused.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">They went one step further: they told all of our relatives and family friends that I was a victim of so-called “false memory syndrome,” that I was sick and not to be believed. They said they had no idea why I maintained this vendetta against them, but <i>they</i> were the victims.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">To this day, I don’t know what my relatives think about that. No one’s ever talked about it with me. But the family I knew growing up never talked about the unpleasant stuff. Everyone pretended it didn’t exist. And those who did dare speak about it were shamed. “We don’t air our dirty laundry in public.”</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I found a letter that my parents had written to my husband, urging him to have me committed to a psychiatric hospital “for my own good,” and pleading with him to see their side, how much I was hurting them.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">My husband witnessed some of the abuse. He read the threatening letters and email, he heard the sexual comments my father made about and to me. He remembers well pulling up to the house to pick me up for a date when I was 17, and hearing my mom screaming at me from inside the house because I had tried to fix a cheap necklace clasp and it broke. He heard similar screaming at me over the phone when my mom would call me.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I responded the way I honestly think a healthy adult would respond: I cut off contact with my parents. (This gave them more fodder for the “our daughter is sick” file.) A couple years later, my brother reached out to me via email. I was wary, but I wanted <i>family</i> so badly. I had my husband, a few friends, but no one else. I wrote back to him, but I was anxious about how much I told him. I tried to keep everything vague. I’d double- and triple-check my email before I sent it, because I couldn’t trust myself either.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn’t trust doctors, therapists, anyone who offered something to me, because I was certain they’d want something in return, and whatever they wanted would be debilitatingly painful. I didn’t trust anyone enough to develop friendships, and the isolation fueled the recurring depression and anxiety I’d had since my early teens. I’d try to work, but I would wind up in the hospital with suicidal intentions. I thought everyone else would be better off if I was no longer on the planet—if they even noticed that I was gone.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Throughout all of this, my guides were with me, but I didn’t always choose to listen to them. In the worst of my depression and self-hatred, I had a hard time connecting with them. And to be honest, I questioned if they were real, or if they were part of the delusions that my parents claimed I had. They were never wrong, and they always made me feel better, but maybe they were just the creations of a sick mind.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">In 2003, I got into therapy. I’d kept copies of all the emails and letters I’d sent my parents while I was in touch with them, along with their letters to me. I gave them to the therapist. I avoided talking about memories and stuck to my current conversations with my parents, most of which revolved around their parenting advice about my two children, mostly warning me that I’d have spoiled children if I didn’t spank them. The therapist said the letters and emails were one of the most severe cases of gaslighting she’d ever seen.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Eventually, I trusted her enough to tell her about my guides. She was skeptical at first, but asked a lot of questions. (My guides answered some of them.) She took my case to a board review, which included psychologists, psychiatrists, and clergy. They discussed it, considered other diagnoses, and unanimously declared me a “mystic.” They didn’t know how, but they were completely convinced that the entities I talked with were both divine and real.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">My therapist heartily encouraged me to work more with my guides. I began to stop doubting their existence. And slowly, I began to trust them.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">For years, they talked about how I also needed to trust myself. Taking baby steps, I let go of my self-doubt too. When I posted in a very vague way on my blog about what it was like growing up, and the time CPS came to the house, my brother angrily commented that I was wrong, that none of this happened, that I was lying and hurting everyone. Fortunately for me, I had a witness to the CPS investigation—my best friend in high school, who also witnessed some of the things my parents did and said. But that experience left me too frightened to publicly state anything about what I’d experienced. Until now.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">In 2009, my mom died. My dad had died a few years earlier. Going through my mom’s house, I found a file with my name on it. In it, she’d amassed every article she could find on false memories. She also had printed email correspondence with my brother. Back when he’d reached out to me by email, and I’d cautiously started talking with him, he was forwarding my responses to my parents. Between them, they’d discussed this, agreed it was best that I shouldn’t know what they were doing.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">This time, instead of feeling like I was wrong or sick, I was <i>angry</i>.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">My guides led me to a coach who was able to help me have experiences of trusting myself and trusting others in a safe space. Bit by bit, she helped me see that I could share myself with trusted people, safe people, and be supported. Even loved.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">When I was later faced with another betrayal—this time from my (now former) faith community—I chose a different response. I walked away.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I share all this with you now for several reasons. First and foremost, because I need to end the silence. In silence and secrecy about this, there has been shame, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, I want to walk forward in integrity and authenticity, and that requires honesty and speaking my truth. My guides are 100% behind me in this, and their support has given me the courage and strength to sit down and write this.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Second, I’m sharing this because every time I have wanted to post something about my experience, whether with my guides or about how I grew up, there has been an imposing <i>What will people (especially relatives) think?</i> hanging over my head. It keeps me in a wounded child position. I do not owe anyone my silence in exchange for maintaining their comfort.</span></div>
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<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Third, I’m sharing this for all of those who want to share their truth, who want to be free from the shame, but can’t yet. Maybe it’s not safe. Maybe they’re not ready. Maybe they still believe the gaslighting, the lies that it’s somehow our own fault, that we’re only speaking up to get attention, that we’re troublemakers or bitter, that we can’t let it go, we’re too sensitive and can’t take a joke, that it’s all in the past and we should forgive and forget.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">No. I have forgiven my parents <i>for myself</i>, but to forget is to condone what was done, and what is still being done to others. To forget is to dishonor the past, to say it’s all okay now. It was not, and is not okay.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">And as I see now parents and partners of people I know gaslighting them, verbally abusing them and then claiming they’re making it all up, that it’s their depression or anxiety talking, that what they remember are false memories (or fake news), that they’ve blown it all out of proportion, I can keep quiet no longer.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">I am not sick or deranged or making it up or trying to get attention or wanting to file a lawsuit. I am claiming my truth and standing in it. I am no longer ashamed. I am free to be who I am, regardless of what others think or say.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">And for all those who get me on a deep level, when you’re ready, I’ll be here and we can stand together.</span></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-91745699698555859892019-05-25T13:38:00.000-05:002019-05-25T13:42:03.203-05:00The Three Children <div style="text-align: left;">
<i>The following is a story I wrote over twenty years ago, as a way to understand multiple covenant theory (that there is more than one divine covenant with humanity). I'm guided to share this here, now.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuHtuNdxsfGrJegdJ86jhi_FULPywkduyfKNx04VT18KIwY4DhyhHVVHBHjBgVaZp_7FMFmoYl_l88aer5is__vANeyDcSSyOUTlJti4KTwy0GFZr_hC_ZKjiwzGteaj3Hmx4a/s1600/children-772275_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuHtuNdxsfGrJegdJ86jhi_FULPywkduyfKNx04VT18KIwY4DhyhHVVHBHjBgVaZp_7FMFmoYl_l88aer5is__vANeyDcSSyOUTlJti4KTwy0GFZr_hC_ZKjiwzGteaj3Hmx4a/s320/children-772275_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
This is a story about a Mother with many children. The Mother, like mothers who came after, had difficulty getting Her children to behave. Sometimes the children would disobey and get hurt; other times they would hurt each other. Distraught by the pain which they so unnecessarily endured, the Mother decided to make a contract with Her children.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Like all mothers that came after, She began by explaining, "I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt; besides, we are running out of Band-Aids. You are old enough now to take on some responsibility around the Home, so..." and She outlined the contract. The Mother would protect them against harm, make sure that their needs were met, and provide a special dessert after dinner every Friday. In return, the children would respect one another, treat new kids on the block with kindness, keep themselves clean, and wash their hands before dinner without being reminded.<br />
<br />
All the children protested and wanted to know why things must change. But the Mother knew the children were not yet old enough to understand why, and so, like mothers who came after, explained with, "Because I'm your Mother."<br />
<br />
A few of the oldest children, led by Her first-born, accepted the terms of the contract. They had experienced enough of the Mother's stern lectures that they knew when to stop arguing and do as they were told. Not that this was easy for these children, for to this day one can hear the occasional "But <i>Mo-om</i>!" echoing throughout their Home.<br />
<br />
The younger children, however, had a more difficult time with this contract, and the Mother realized that She had not made this contract accessible to all Her children. So, after thinking about it for a while, the Mother came up with an idea. She gathered her younger children around Her and said, "I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt. I know that the contract I made with my oldest children doesn't allow for some of your needs and the differences in how you learn. So I am going to ask one of my oldest children to teach you by example."<br />
<br />
The Mother then went to Her oldest children, a few of whom were in the middle of a game of Monopoly. Several of those children were arguing over the payment of a Community Chest card when another knocked the board over and said, "Come on, you guys, this isn't about money; we're supposed to be having fun and playing by the rules. Mom wouldn't like it if she saw us fighting." Another group of the oldest children were reading books to each other in a corner, looked up briefly at the interchange, and cautioned the outspoken one, "Shhh! You'll get us in trouble."<br />
<br />
The Mother watched all this with a mixture of concern and amusement. Then She pretended to have just arrived and said, "I need a volunteer to teach the younger children how to behave and what I expect from them."<br />
<br />
The oldest children looked at each other and then back at the Mother. "Can't we teach them as a group?" some asked. But the Mother knew the younger children would learn best from an individual, and explained as much. "Well, how about him?" the children in the corner said, indicating the outspoken one at the Monopoly game. "He likes talking to us about the rules."<br />
<br />
The Mother looked at the outspoken one, who said, "Okay. I'll do it." And so, the Mother explained that there would be a different kind of contract, and She would use the input of this one child to adapt the terms to the needs of the younger children. She also cautioned him to be careful, because his new status could bring about both great praise and great pain from those around him. The outspoken one nodded and said, "Whatever it takes."<br />
<br />
The younger children learned well from him, and the contract was adapted to their specific needs. But the youngest children still had a difficult time, and the Mother realized that their needs had not been met by either contract. And so She thought for a while and came up with another idea. She gathered her youngest children around Her and said, "I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt. I know that the other two contracts I made don't allow for all of your needs, and while you have learned some from the the others, I think you need someone else to teach you, to whom you can relate better."<br />
<br />
The Mother then went to one of several of her oldest children who had never accepted the first contract. They were busy playing around the sandbox, building elaborate castles and then enacting a variation of capture the flag. She called one child aside, and said, "I want you to teach my youngest children how to behave and what I expect from them. I have watched you playing with your brothers and sisters, writing your stories, dreaming your dreams. I believe my youngest children will relate best to you. I will teach you anything you don't already know, particular to my youngest children's needs."<br />
<br />
And so, the one child taught the youngest children, and they learned well from him.<br />
<br />
Are there children who accepted none of the three contracts? Of course. Some insist on being rebellious, some have only recently been born and are too young to be accepting such responsibility, and many others—like the Children who were often seen camping and taking nature walks—have made other contracts. But that is for another story, another day.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;"></span></b><span style="font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<i style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Copyright © 1997 by Sheyna Galyan</span></i>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-6021621128312584132019-05-22T11:49:00.000-05:002019-05-22T12:00:16.927-05:00Balance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Sometimes labels are helpful. I have two new ones to add to my collection: post-exertional malaise and orthostatic intolerance.</div>
<br />
Post-exertional malaise: the crash that happens after every physically or emotionally intense event. This seems to be particularly strong after emotional intensity more than physical intensity. Orthostatic intolerance: dizziness, lightheadedness, seeing stars, nausea, and/or fainting caused by standing or being upright for too long, or from physical exertion. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu3JkvLnaNAEqNmeChqTMzEsfJMxPwHTgKwh9pDThtxzY37xQ1vRsmxlEIb0X_W2D-uqmbSYDFBmvo3KskOJrT_UHv9pV5tJm3UmxO9HJq3L85gxsAMGRQeonMZWyKAu8LaCjk/s1600/bed-linen-1149842_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="793" data-original-width="1280" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu3JkvLnaNAEqNmeChqTMzEsfJMxPwHTgKwh9pDThtxzY37xQ1vRsmxlEIb0X_W2D-uqmbSYDFBmvo3KskOJrT_UHv9pV5tJm3UmxO9HJq3L85gxsAMGRQeonMZWyKAu8LaCjk/s320/bed-linen-1149842_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I'm seeing the patterns more clearly now. It goes like this:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I know I have a Big Event coming up (convention, book event, intensive, workshop, trip, etc.) <br /> </li>
<li>In order to prepare for it and not have a flare, I am careful about how/where/when I expend my energy. To me, it feels like "taking it easy" in comparison to my "normal" life<br />
</li>
<li>I feel great for the Big Event. I have the energy I need, and am able to make choices even during the Big Event, staying aware of my energy and pain levels, sometimes intentionally choosing downtime over going out to do more<br />
</li>
<li>I arrive back home, and within 24-48 hours, I am EXHAUSTED. Bone-deep exhaustion. Can't-stay-awake exhaustion. Sleep doesn't help. It doesn't matter how much downtime I opted for during the Big Event. I have no real choice but to sleep as much as 20 out of every 24 hours.<br />
</li>
<li>Exhaustion and dizziness continue for several days. Even sitting up is too exhausting. Back support is essential.<br />
</li>
<li>Depression and anxiety rear their heads. It comes on quickly. I no longer remember what it feels like to be in alignment with love and joy and gratitude. It is all I can do to stave off urges to self-harm and thoughts of suicide. It's easy to believe that no one remembers me, much less cares.<br /> </li>
<li>In an attempt to not isolate, which I know exacerbates the self-harm tendencies, I reach out to safe people. But I immediately regret saying anything, and resolve to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself until I'm better<br /> </li>
<li>Then the pain hits. Often starting in my hands and feet, it quickly moves into arms, shoulders, legs, hips, back, neck. Headaches become commonplace. I'm sensitive to light and sound. I cannot focus or track well.<br /> </li>
<li>The pain continues for several days<br />
</li>
<li>At some point, I catch glimpses of that joy and love and gratitude again. I remember I am not alone. I remember that I am loved.<br />
</li>
<li>After as much as a week, I am able to leave my bedroom again, though I'm often trembling and unsteady. Dizziness continues when I'm standing or upright. It's not yet safe to drive.<br />
</li>
<li>Then, as quickly as it came, it's gone. I feel back to "normal." I continue with my life until a week or two before the next Big Event, at which point I switch to "take it easy" mode to hopefully offset any flare right before the trip. </li>
</ul>
<div>
<br />
And therein lies the problem.<br />
<br />
Both post-exertional malaise (PEM) and orthostatic intolerance (OI) are common with fibromyalgia. They're also key components of myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), formerly known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrom (CFS). It's not uncommon for people with fibromyalgia to also have ME. Neither has any cure, but symptoms can be managed.<br />
<br />
The management for PEM? Doing that "take it easy" self-care ALL THE TIME. Not just in the two weeks before a Big Event. <br />
<br />
I don't need to skip the Big Events. In fact, I've had a higher percentage of pain-free days when I have numerous Big Events than I do when I'm playing small. <br />
<br />
It's about pacing. Balance. Harmony.<br />
<br />
I recently learned that my parents were wrong: I'm neither shy nor an introvert. The real me was buried under layers of PTSD-induced social anxiety and fear of rejection. I'm extremely sensitive to energy, and I'm energized by being with another person or small groups. (Large crowds to tend to tire me out.) My Big Events nearly always involve lots of small groups and one-on-one time. It's no wonder I love it!<br />
<br />
Even as I step into my dream of helping people connect with their guides, that also needs a balance. Solitude. Writing. Meditation. <br />
<br />
In 2016, just a few months after I discovered Supernatural, but before I knew anything about the cast, I went through one of these times. At the time, I just thought it was a depression, with a side of exhaustion and pain. Now I think it was one of these flares. But that was the first time I thought about it in a different way. <br />
<br />
I called it molting, and I wrote about it here: <a href="http://booksandbeliefs.blogspot.com/2016/10/wings.html">http://booksandbeliefs.blogspot.com/2016/10/wings.html</a><br />
<br />
I wrote, "Something about this metaphor gave me hope. That maybe this was a natural process, and my responsibility is to make sure I have a safe "molt." That I eat enough to sustain my energy. That I rest as needed. That I take the time I need to be alone. That I accept I will be out of sorts and off my game. That I recognize that for this period of time, my freedom will be curtailed, my beauty in flux, my compassion needing to be more self-compassion, and my strength sorely tested. During this time, I'll feel unable to fly, helplessly grounded, but appreciating that freedom even more when I get it back."<br />
<br />
In the fibro/ME communities, this pattern is called "push/crash." I've already made considerable progress moving away from pushing, but I may have more to do. My changes to my way of eating have helped a great deal, and I can see where I can shift my perspective more into balance and pace myself accordingly. I may not be able to avoid the molt, but I may diminish its frequency or severity.<br />
<br />
And if you also are struggling with this sort of pattern, I hope this helps you feel not so alone or misunderstood.<br />
<br />
P.S.: this post is for educational purposes only. I am not looking for advice, treatment, referrals, supplements, or any other solutions. I am sure it comes from a place of love and you not wanting me (or anyone else) to hurt, but I'm still not interested. Thank you for respecting this boundary.</div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-83615680345955077302018-12-07T16:48:00.001-06:002018-12-07T16:48:09.731-06:00The Demon Hunter (Feat. Sheyna Galyan)<span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I had a wonderful conversation in this podcast, talking about everything from the importance of weather to the role of writing to hunting and vanquishing our demons. Includes a shout-out to </span><a class="profileLink" data-hovercard-prefer-more-content-show="1" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=136314243124354&extragetparams=%7B%22__tn__%22%3A%22%2CdKH-R-R%22%2C%22eid%22%3A%22ARBF_hPTiz5xwjnXd1QPhptIxmZct6P_lMekT3aW75NfDfj8jmisVL8bSqYJp9umfj0GUUyPG6WuBzr0%22%2C%22fref%22%3A%22mentions%22%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/AccessAbundance/?__tn__=KH-R&eid=ARBF_hPTiz5xwjnXd1QPhptIxmZct6P_lMekT3aW75NfDfj8jmisVL8bSqYJp9umfj0GUUyPG6WuBzr0&fref=mentions&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARCNC21pBnoia3TxBAdDai1DXYpyshaM8g518ev_EeXepgZL4DAAGtqeYM8LWRiiRICRnykRuO88ai-734W_ctQUfpAWA9iNFVikcDuW-tmfFDHXYCWfMwHjGkLaSLrbM1wPn2diw6UQb414_7XMgaHRP1ChIV5qNr3VKOLP6fA6zYepZWz5NTFx4oiUAEW-HIlBjV7aR1FUTL5_kcncHStsOsf8_3lei7dw2wEKZIis3-TVlnIePCetZDtSlQw7pBw_RQxEpgpHztBtDEdnX9szBHAJVbBYcqOtl1VOaO3P8gIeEdMJTb2qvbZ9cYgqkGlkzgVNtOBf7RQy" style="background-color: white; color: #365899; cursor: pointer; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; text-decoration-line: none;">Teresa Romain & Access Abundance</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1e21; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">!</span><br /><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-kb4i6-a14b59?fbclid=IwAR0uWU43endrhtdDLjNXqyQj-6MkgL9SDy8kgwUHPFoqpark7JbCeFgWNLM#.XAr4Xh4RImR.blogger">The Demon Hunter (Feat. Sheyna Galyan)</a>: In this surprisingly cathartic and emotionally-draining 25th episode (!!!), Hal has a lovely, haunting conversation with critically-acclaimed Jewish novelist Sheyna Galyan. The two talk about her books and discuss the ways that we, as humans, can conquer and vanquish the demons of the mind, body and soul. Have some tissues handy!! This is a can’t-miss!!</blockquote>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-86571454793323419722018-11-30T12:48:00.001-06:002018-11-30T12:48:19.968-06:00Healing and Food<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My turbulent relationship with food began when I was an infant. The
story, as my mother told it, was that she was unable to nurse and had zero
support with breastfeeding (not unusual for the late 60s). The pediatrician
told her to put me on a formula feeding schedule, and to stick to it, no matter
how much I cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Some variation of a schedule continued throughout childhood.
Mealtime was when I was to eat, hungry or not. If it wasn’t mealtime, there was
to be no eating, lest it spoil my appetite. I learned early that the availability
of food depended on the clock, not on a sense of hunger, which I was feeling
less and less.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLZqWoINllrMUfWoQ6QsNUfO-WxEioxWbrVwBOPYE4m3jeS-vQr2f_5CpV23elcSTkba8ElDvqHDBLnW5HsEQBCFXfZiWUnJG7VTJS2kQCVvQbjEwAsSFppIwey3TSX6rYG9Xd/s1600/dishes_white_plate_stemware_plate_empty_glass_fork_knife-694779.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="988" data-original-width="1199" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLZqWoINllrMUfWoQ6QsNUfO-WxEioxWbrVwBOPYE4m3jeS-vQr2f_5CpV23elcSTkba8ElDvqHDBLnW5HsEQBCFXfZiWUnJG7VTJS2kQCVvQbjEwAsSFppIwey3TSX6rYG9Xd/s320/dishes_white_plate_stemware_plate_empty_glass_fork_knife-694779.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Growing up in a family with chaos and often violence, and no
boundaries whatsoever, I often felt like I had no control over what happened to
me. And then I discovered as a teenager that I could control how much food I
ate. Or didn’t. And I discovered that starving myself gave me a kind of
emotional high, a temporary feeling of power that was intoxicating. By the time
I graduated from high school, I weighed less than 90 pounds, and I was thinking
that 75 was a nice number to shoot for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Dieting was a common thing, growing up. My mother was frequently
trying one diet or another. She had these “candies” called Ayds (pronounced <i>aids</i>)
that I would sometimes sneak out of the pantry when I was really hungry. They didn’t
taste great, but they stopped my stomach from hurting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdTZD3_bA-oI5eygArIBDxa9okFji6gOt7c6eEb1jJ9Oi451OK77UEDaZpNyrPXZosuwFkbn-Nkfv_3sq2ihxKsLAgFg2kV2r-fpf5NLAbxngnSpGBUx_6DngP9Ez6k-Xto9WW/s1600/ayds-diet-candy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="345" data-original-width="717" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdTZD3_bA-oI5eygArIBDxa9okFji6gOt7c6eEb1jJ9Oi451OK77UEDaZpNyrPXZosuwFkbn-Nkfv_3sq2ihxKsLAgFg2kV2r-fpf5NLAbxngnSpGBUx_6DngP9Ez6k-Xto9WW/s320/ayds-diet-candy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In college, eating was a when-I-have-time event, folded around
writing papers and going to classes. In my junior year of college, in 1989, I
was eight miles from the epicenter of the Loma Prieta earthquake—the one that disrupted
the World Series, broke part of the Bay Bridge, and collapsed a double-decker
freeway in Oakland, killing quite a few people. We had so many aftershocks, I
was terrified to cook in my apartment kitchen. We had no running water and no
electricity for a couple of weeks. I survived on ready-to-eat snacks. I didn’t
realize then that trauma is cumulative, and that the trauma I survived as a
child meant that the earthquake trauma was that much worse for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">After I got into therapy in the early 90s, as I began to deal with all
that had happened and how it affected my current life, I was put on antidepressants.
They helped with the suicidal thoughts (which I’d had—and acted on—since I was
sixteen), but they also caused massive food cravings and weight gain. I gained 70
pounds within a year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">During the next ten years, I struggled with infertility. Most
doctors blamed my weight. One doctor actually ran tests, and we discovered that
I ovulated—at best—twice a year. My hormones were out of whack. I had too much
cortisol, too much testosterone, and wildly fluctuating levels of estrogen. I
added these to the reasons I hated myself. My weight continued to increase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In 2000, the stars aligned and I got pregnant. It was, early on, a
high-risk pregnancy. My blood pressure was too high, then my blood sugar
spiraled out of control. I was on bed rest for half the pregnancy. I had hyperemesis
gravidarum, a fancy term for morning/noon/night sickness, that lasted seven
months. The only things I could keep down were Welch’s 100% juice grape popsicles
and Betty Crocker Potato Buds instant mashed potatoes. I was on insulin until
the baby was born, when my blood pressure and blood sugar returned to normal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I got pregnant a second time, only instead of high blood sugar
showing up at thirty-two weeks, it showed up in the fourteenth week. Four years
later, I got pregnant a third time, and developed gestational diabetes 48 hours
after I took a home pregnancy test, somewhere around five weeks pregnant. That
baby was stillborn at five months. A few months later, I was diagnosed with
fibrmyalgia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In each of my pregnancies, because of the gestational diabetes, I
was put on a “diabetes diet” for pregnant women. Once again, I was eating based
on the clock, as well as counting carbohydrate grams and testing my blood
sugar. I learned what my body liked and what made my blood sugar soar. After
our daughter was stillborn, I gave up the diet. I figured I didn’t need it
anymore and I was busy with a toddler and a preschooler and running a new
publishing company. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In 2009, I tried a low-carb diet. I lost thirty-seven pounds in
nine months, had a lot more energy, but wasn’t able to sustain it. It’s hard to
eat so differently from everyone else. I already knew that, keeping kosher, but
within my own home, at the dining table, it was harder still, watching everyone
else eat bread and potatoes and I was stuck with a salad and a bland chicken
breast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Fast-forward nearly ten years. I’ve been working with a life coach
for four years, doing in-depth healing for nearly as long, and in EMDR (eye
movement desensitization and reprocessing) for trauma therapy for two years. I fully
accepted that the loving people I’d been able to see and hear since I was three
years old—but no one else could—were my spirit guides, and when I stopped
arguing with them and really started listening and acting on what they said, my
life got better still. My therapists had questions for my guides, and were impressed
with the answers. They jokingly said that with guides like these, therapists
weren’t necessary. (They are. Sometimes I learn best from people “with skin on.”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I healed enough emotionally and spiritually that it was time to
look at my physical health. I was about a hundred pounds overweight, if I went
by numbers alone. I hated to count things (carbs, points, calories) and I hated
the sense of deprivation I felt on a “diet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I took a year-long class on intuitive eating, based on the book by
the same name. I learned how to not base my eating on a clock. I learned for
the first time what hunger felt like. I learned to honor my body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">But I still felt unwell. I had frequent fibromyalgia episodes,
depressions, panic attacks, and debilitating fatigue. An author friend posted
about eating a keto diet, and recommended the movie <i><a href="http://www.cerealkillersmovie.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Cereal Killers</a></i>. I
watched it and was inspired. So I did something that had not occurred to me to
do earlier: I asked my guides for advice on how/what to eat, and if this way of
eating would help me. They were immediately forthcoming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Don’t eat, they said, the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Wheat <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Oats<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Rye<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Barley<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Spelt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Sugar <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Artificial sweeteners (aspartame, sucralose)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• High glycemic-index fruits (oranges, bananas)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Most beans<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Most root vegetables (potatoes, carrots)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Most starchy vegetables (corn, peas)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Oh, I said. So, like year-round Passover, but without the matzah or
sugar?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Do eat, they said:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Fish (no shellfish)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Poultry (with skin)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Beef (in moderate amounts, and grass-fed, pasture-raised,
antibiotic-free wherever possible)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Green leafy vegetables<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Berries<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Avocados & guacamole<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Eggs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Nuts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Seeds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Plain, whole-fat yogurt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Cheese<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">• Natural sweeteners (stevia, erythritol) in moderation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My Passover comment came back around when I started eating this way
and within less than a week, experienced exponentially more energy, less pain,
better mood, and a disappearance of my cravings. I realized that every year during
Passover, I felt much the same way. I always figured it was because I liked the
holiday: the special dishes, special recipes, eating at home. Now I realized while
those might have been true, the real reason for my increased joy and energy was
because of <i>what</i> I was eating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I began this way of eating in early May 2018. I found a
never-before-felt passion for cooking and low-carb/keto recipes. My guides told
me not to worry about counting anything. This wasn’t about maintaining specific
macronutrient numbers (as in a strict ketogenic diet). This was about eating
food that nourished me and testing other foods to see how my body responded to
them. I was to continue my intuitive eating—eating when I was hungry, not
eating when I wasn’t, no matter what the clock said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzsw7LJlY0YhrgO0GWYcVXBFnZz5tsMz21jjh86rxm_5ReWVlAVCaO4c1Bd1UJxPHmhyLCfJKd1tcmhw1Cmkn1sKUdH3iHItuzdXGbealaa7N_bQKAfSIsHjzBF8wyttOm4uga/s1600/20181107_174132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzsw7LJlY0YhrgO0GWYcVXBFnZz5tsMz21jjh86rxm_5ReWVlAVCaO4c1Bd1UJxPHmhyLCfJKd1tcmhw1Cmkn1sKUdH3iHItuzdXGbealaa7N_bQKAfSIsHjzBF8wyttOm4uga/s320/20181107_174132.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Within five months, I’d released an unnecessary thirty pounds. (I
no longer refer to “losing” weight. It’s not misplaced and I don’t want anyone finding
it and returning it to me.) I felt better than I have in…probably decades.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And then came my first real test.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Within the space of a month, I attended two conventions and a
multi-day training workshop, involving flights to both Vancouver and Los
Angeles. At first, I was careful about what I ate, despite what I perceived as
limited options. But “just a taste” of one food became “just a serving” and
then “just a meal.” I continued to test my blood sugar, and was amazed that my
body didn’t respond adversely to a small piece of cheesecake and some rice with
my chicken. Maybe this meant I could loosen up a bit? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">No. It did not. Just a small amount of wheat, and then oats another
time, sent my body into a painful spiral. For days at a time, living out of a
hotel, I was eating at restaurants, not all of which were keto-friendly. Several
times, I chose being with new and old friends over eating at a restaurant that
would support my way of eating. And because I didn’t value myself enough, I put
their restaurant preferences over mine. I didn’t advocate for myself, and they
never knew that I was going to pay with physical pain for eating with them at
that restaurant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That was a disservice both to me and to them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Once I returned from Los Angeles, my final trip for a while, it
took me <i>three weeks</i> to finally get over the carb cravings, regain my energy,
and stabilize my mood. That was a painful lesson in making my needs important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I realized that I was also looking at my way of eating with some
judgment. I was looking at it the way my mother looked at my keeping kosher—as being
a “picky eater.” She had nothing nice to say about my keeping kosher, or eating
anything different from her, for that matter. If it inconvenienced <i>her</i>, it
was unacceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I was expecting everyone else to see my way of eating as a <i>choice</i>,
something I could simply choose <i>not</i> to do when it might impact others. I
never checked that out with them, but knowing them as I do, and taking my own
judgments and pain out of the equation, they would have absolutely supported my
way of eating, up to and including going to a different restaurant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then I read <a href="https://www.amazon.com/PEACE-Cake-SECRET-ANTI-INFLAMMATORY-DIET/dp/1683509455/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">a book about eating an anti-inflammatory diet</a>. Recent
studies have strongly indicated that fibromyalgia (along with depression, bipolar,
and possibly chronic fatigue, among others) is caused by neuroinflammation in
the brain. Reducing inflammation in the body (and brain) by eating foods that
are anti-inflammatory and avoiding foods that cause inflammation can
drastically reduce symptoms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">How interesting that my modified-keto/no sugar way of eating is
nearly identical to an anti-inflammatory diet. The only difference is that the
anti-inflammatory diet has more carbs—mostly from beans, rice, and root
vegetables—than I can safely eat, given my blood sugar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My brain latched onto this: now I can tell people that I’m eating
an anti-inflammatory diet for my health, and then it’s not a choice! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My guides shook their metaphorical heads. Why must I defend what I
eat based on an assumption of others’ judgment? they asked. Why is it not
enough for me to say that I eat what supports and nourishes my body? Why do I
feel the need to explain that I regularly test my blood sugar to keep close
tabs on what carbs I can and cannot eat? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Oh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Here is another area where the lesson I learned well in childhood—that
others’ opinions matter more than mine—continues to play out in adulthood. The
wounded child is certain that friends would choose their preferred restaurant
over eating <i>with me</i>, thus proving my low self-worth, proving that I don’t
matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The reality is, any friend who would value their choice of
restaurant over eating with me is not truly a friend. It’s better that I not go
to lunch with these people. There are plenty of people who want the best for
me, who <i>do </i>believe I matter, and that what I need to support my physical
health also matters. There are <i>plenty</i> of those people. Even when the
hurt child within doesn’t think they exist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 13.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">We women are conditioned to play to others’ preferences and
interests, even to the detriment of our own. And anyone who believes deep down
that they don’t matter has it even worse. But your health does matter. My
health matters. <i>We </i>matter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And now I’m going to go own that while eating my keto-friendly
lunch.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZ0oXXjONwn1zJ0cc0AT8PzCZouJA8rx4j43ID2fWiCsBMHsqZmJ7BSnZ6nszZRzuacla646zI_9x9ldX6QWF-8n7epNUZVtrMj1OyqTavKehYs3QZwkKsszP7u8XjWR5u28l/s1600/32395209_10214697471922871_2649397237062303744_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiZ0oXXjONwn1zJ0cc0AT8PzCZouJA8rx4j43ID2fWiCsBMHsqZmJ7BSnZ6nszZRzuacla646zI_9x9ldX6QWF-8n7epNUZVtrMj1OyqTavKehYs3QZwkKsszP7u8XjWR5u28l/s320/32395209_10214697471922871_2649397237062303744_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-86462856137177957022018-05-09T17:40:00.001-05:002018-05-09T22:09:50.719-05:00Beauty in Loss<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>May 9, 2018</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nine years
ago today, my mother was dying. It was sad, and painful, and beautiful.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Let me
explain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The day
before Thanksgiving in 2008, my mom was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic
cancer. She was given six months to live. One week later, I pulled my kids—then
seven and five—out of school and the three of us drove from Minnesota to
California so we could spend some time with my mom. We stayed nearly a month.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’d like to
say that this time was pleasant, full of fond memories and loving connections,
but that would be a lie. My kids enjoyed getting to see their grandmother, but
I was already grieving. My mom’s diagnosis meant that all the hopes I had of ever
having anything like a normal relationship with her, one in which she wasn’t constantly
tearing me down, were also dying. This was confirmed a couple months later when
chemo failed and my mom chose to go on hospice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In April
2009, I got the call that it was time, and a day later, I was on a flight back
to California. I was very clear that I was doing this for me. My mom had said
to me that she didn’t really care if I was there or not when she died. I’m not
sure if that was true, but I was sure that to be in integrity with myself and
my own belief that family means something, I had to be there.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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For two
weeks, my brother, myself, two personal aides, and the occasional hospice nurse cared
for her, talked to her, sang to her, and tried to keep her as comfortable as possible.
One time, she told me that we should let bygones be bygones and leave the past
behind. My hopes of making peace with her perked up. Then she said she could
never forgive me for how much I’d hurt her. Those last weeks were an emotional
minefield and every night, I’d collapse in my hotel bed in tears, echoes of countless
nights as a kid when I cried myself to sleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I have a
gift, though, that saved my sanity during this time. I’ve been able to see and
talk with my spirit guides since I was about three. They offered me comfort and
love, and over the years, they also gave me a broader perspective of life and
death, of what <i>family </i>truly means, of how unconditional love feels, of
Home. And so, after a long day of caring for my mom, trying not to take her hurtful
words personally, I’d share what I was going through with my guides. My fears,
my pain, my grief, my anger. One of my guides told me I was here for a reason,
and it wasn’t for my integrity.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“What, then?”
I’d asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Pay
attention. You’ll know.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Despite not
eating or drinking for nearly two weeks, my mom held on. She’d wake (or regain
consciousness) and demand to know why she was still here. Why she hadn’t died
yet. She said she was ready to go. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
One week
into May, I half-joked that maybe she was holding out for another Mother’s Day.
My mom said she thought that idea was stupid. I paid attention, watching the
comings and goings of the hospice people and a handful of relatives. I didn’t
notice anything out of the ordinary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Until one
day I did. I was sitting in the chair I’d appropriated next to my mom’s bed, sitting
near her head, when I started to hear what sounded like a radio being tuned.
Voices, sometimes overlapping, slightly echoing, clearly having a conversation.
Sometimes it was louder, sometimes I could barely hear it. I thought maybe a
radio or computer had been turned on, and I did an inspection of the house to
make sure. Nothing turned on. Nothing coming out of any speakers. The sole TV
was off. The voices continued, and as I caught snatches of the conversation, I
made out that they were planning something. Who was going to be where. There
was talk of a meeting, and who would have the honor of meeting “her.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
As the day
wore on, I became more and more aware of movement in the room where my mom’s
hospital bed was. I could make out figures, though not much more. Some were
standing, others sitting, seemingly half in this world and half not. Gradually,
the room filled with these beings. Some acknowledged that I saw them and nodded
in greeting. All were giving off a palpable feeling of love and acceptance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I knew that
whoever all these beings (people?) were, they were here for my mom, and I
realized that they saw her differently than I did. I’d like to think that they
saw her soul, saw its inherent beauty and love. I saw more movement near my mom’s
head and then could clearly see sparks of light dancing just above her forehead.
I was entranced with this sight, feeling pure joy. I wondered if that was <i>her</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Later, the
low hum of voices from the various beings in the room was getting louder. I
suddenly felt hands on my shoulders from someone standing behind me. The
presence was familiar and reassuring, and then the hand on my right shoulder squeezed
briefly. When I turned around, hoping to see (or verify) who it was, the space
was empty. And no bodied person could fit behind my chair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My mom unexpectedly
cried out my deceased dad’s name, half- conscious. She woke, looking around. “Where
is he?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Did you see
him?” I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
“No.” My mom
seemed agitated at this. “He’s waiting for me. I need to get to the harbor. I
don’t want to miss the boat.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I asked her
more about this harbor, about the boat she was going to take, about how she
knew where to go. She seemed to know exactly where to go until she tried to
describe it, and then it wasn’t so clear. Mostly she was anxious that she
wouldn’t make it in time. I asked her if this boat was waiting just for her or if
it was picking up other people too. She thought about it and concluded that it
was just for her. I suggested that they wouldn’t leave without her, and she
relaxed, agreeing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Nine years
ago tomorrow, my mother died. It was Mother’s Day. It was sad, and painful, and
beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPRl-S68QQd1hKBFiysJlilfHyfeyJS2O2t9WJ6jIK6TB-V_AI_DIk2Qnzp-_ZkwdA6s23vdHOwqtILM30HHHiJ09cKAYE4CuYgGhwcKVOJTqHQPUlVvt9fKJGiolbxWuWpBK/s1600/MomsBed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirPRl-S68QQd1hKBFiysJlilfHyfeyJS2O2t9WJ6jIK6TB-V_AI_DIk2Qnzp-_ZkwdA6s23vdHOwqtILM30HHHiJ09cKAYE4CuYgGhwcKVOJTqHQPUlVvt9fKJGiolbxWuWpBK/s320/MomsBed.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom's hospice bed and the flower left by the mortuary.<br />
May 11, 2009.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-59547424387898716872017-09-02T22:22:00.003-05:002017-09-02T22:22:58.724-05:00If I Belonged<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">> When did it start to feel like… Like you fit? Like you…belonged
here?</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
> Well, I'm still not sure I do.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Really belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I wouldn’t feel the need<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To prove myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To show my worth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To defend every action<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Every desire for connection<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Every longing for love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I wouldn’t feel like I was trespassing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">On someone else’s territory<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Fearful of triggering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Someone’s anger<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That I had overstepped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My bounds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Taken what was<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Not mine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Expected more than<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I was owed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As if friendships are transactions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And love can be meted out<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In weights and measures<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I don’t know how to belong<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Without being invited<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">How do I differentiate<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">An invitation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">From my own longing?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Carving out a place for myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Evokes images of sharp edges<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Blades cutting and slashing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Creating a space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In the absence of a welcome<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I’d rather nestle in<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Where space is made<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">With the intent<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That I should fill it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A me-shaped space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A perfect fit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">But this requires<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The involvement of others<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">One in which<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Belonging can never be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A one-sided decision<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I see now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">This is belonging<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Among people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">What if this is too narrow a focus?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Can I belong in the world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Without people being involved?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Why should other people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Have the power to decide<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Am I beholden to them<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">For my existence<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Simply because I’ve never felt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">What it means to belong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">What if belonging<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Is a state of being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And not a status<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A rank granted<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Only if one meets<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Subjective standards<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And pays one’s dues?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As a state of being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I could stop apologizing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">For being who I am<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As a state of being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I would have just as much right<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To happiness and joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To love and fulfillment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As anyone else<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As a state of being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My needs would be important<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Should the cabin lose air pressure<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">One of those oxygen masks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Would be for me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And I could secure it on myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">With gratitude<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If I belonged<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As a state of being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then should others<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Overlook me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Forget me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Ignore me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Try to erase me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I have a right<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Even an obligation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To speak up for myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To fight for myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Because I belong<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And I will not be erased<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I belong<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And I have a right to be happy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I belong<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I do not need to carve out a space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Or nestle in to one existing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I will make my own space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">In the world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And invite others<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To stand with me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To sit next to me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">To share with me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And if I sometimes feel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Like a fish out of water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Because belonging<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Has been foreign all my life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then I will be that fish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Who learns to live on land<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Big plans for that fish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Don’t step on me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I belong.</span></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-26233392858923045442017-09-02T14:27:00.001-05:002017-09-02T14:27:36.001-05:00Literary OrgasmsI've long said that the act of writing, whether a short story, a novel, or a poem, is like giving birth. The only difference between the three is the length of gestation.<br />
<br />
There is the initial orgasmic ecstasy of a new idea, of plot twists and characters imbued with meaning and perhaps layers of symbolism. There is the period of morning sickness, of wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into and isn't there a more qualified writer to manifest this idea into reality?<br />
<br />
There are those first kicks, proof that the idea is developing a life of its own, that ultimately the story will leave the womb and make its way into the world. At times, the story leaves me fatigued and heavy, a beached whale that can barely string two words together while having to pee every thirty minutes.<br />
<br />
And finally, after what seems like a lifetime of feeding off me like a literary parasite, and at the same time not nearly enough time together, it's ready to be born, accompanied by sweat and copious tears and possibly some blood.<br />
<br />
Nursed through marketing efforts, it soon can stand on its own, garnering the strength to stand up to bullying critics, to make new friends, to find its place in the world.<br />
<br />
Until a new idea hits with white-hot passion and my toes curl with the sheer joy of telling another story that can touch someone else's heart.Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-73802530071691121652017-08-23T16:15:00.001-05:002017-08-23T16:15:38.280-05:00Should You Trademark Your Indie Publishing Company Name?One of the things I've been doing here and there is talking with people about whether big New York publishing, small press publishing, or indie publishing is best for their book and audience. And for those who do decide to start their own companies, the question of trademarks comes up. Should they trademark it?<br />
<br />
Here's my experience.<br />
<br />
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When I first looked into it back in 2003 and saw how
expensive a federal trademark was, I thought, “The name of my publishing
company is a Hebrew word, and would never be associated with books. So why pay
the hundreds of dollars it would cost?” My company name was at the top of the
first page on Google. (I know—I checked page rankings frequently.) Why worry?</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Fast forward two years. A young Jewish teen in another state
decided to start a magazine. She played around with names and designs. If she
Googled (or used any other search engine) the name she wanted, she would have
seen that there was already a publishing company with that name. Her magazine
name was the same name as my company, except I had “publishing” at the end.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As soon as I found out about this magazine, I emailed her. I
told her who I was and that I had a book publishing company by the same name. I
thought she would react with an “Oops, the name I chose is taken!” But she
didn’t. And she had far deeper pockets that could defend her than I did.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I investigated further, I was told that book publishing
and magazine publishing were considered different businesses and not easily
confused in the marketplace. I could hire an attorney (with money I didn’t
have) and try to intimidate her into changing her name, or I could coexist.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I chose the latter, and we coexisted for a while. But imagine
my horror when I found out (through Google Alerts) that her magazine company
had created an umbrella “media corporation” by the same name and was now going
to publish books.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This time, I sucked it up and called an attorney. Even
though I hadn’t registered my company name as a trademark, I had clearly used
it first in commerce, which gave me some legal protection. My attorney talked
to their attorney and they changed the name of their book publishing arm. But
in all their marketing materials, and on the copyright page, they added “an
imprint of ——— Media, Inc.” Legally, they were allowed, because the media
corporation was not, itself, a publishing company.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Publishing Jewish books is a niche, and it didn’t take long
before there was mass confusion about which company was which, and who did what
book. With the advice of a couple of attorneys, who thankfully talked to me at
some length without charge, I learned that at this point, I had three choices:
change my company name, take the other company to court, or agree to coexist.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The first choice would require new everything: website,
business cards, logo, print runs with the new name and logo, tax ID number,
bank account, and so on. The second choice could easily run me $75,000 and I
had a 50% chance of winning, in part because we had coexisted initially
(appearing that I was okay with their use of the name). The third choice was
not an option. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I did a ton of research. I sought input from others on
the new name. I spent countless hours on the Internet, searching trademarks and
each state’s and international business records to make sure I didn’t take
someone else’s name. When I discovered that the domain name was available, I
registered all the extensions. I built a new website, created a new logo, and
set about building a new identity.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And one of my first steps was to register the new name as a
trademark. It was expensive because I registered first as an “intent to use,” then
had to wait for approval, an opportunity for opposition, and then had to file a
“statement of use.” I registered in three different classes, which includes not
only book publishing, but magazines, gift books, cook books, audio books,
ebooks, and some weird stuff like printing presses, typewriters, paint brushes,
and vending machines.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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As of the end of April 2012, the trademark was approved and
registration was final. Total fees to the United States Patent and Trademark
Office: $1,550. Total cost for domain registration, business cards, corporation
creation, custom website, and other new identity aspects: $766.60. Knowing my
business identity is safe: priceless.<o:p></o:p></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-89330779580633979382017-08-13T09:03:00.000-05:002017-09-01T12:22:12.157-05:00On Getting Pregnant for the Tenth Time I promised to participate in #gishwhes and apparently Misha promised someone else a SFW 2000-word essay on getting pregnant for the tenth time, and seeing as I’ve had a lot of practice (minds out of the gutter now), I figured I’d give it a whirl. A shot in the dark, if you will.<br />
<br />
I’m assuming that you’re familiar with the basics, since this essay is about getting pregnant for the tenth time, not the first time, so the previous nine times ought to have given you some life lessons. Also, you’re going to need to make sure you have all the right equipment. Like any science project—and any science teacher will tell you that human physiology is in fact science—it’s good to start with proper preparation. To that end, you will need a uterus. Preferably inside a living human. It doesn’t need to be you, but it does need to be someone willing, who has completely consented with full mental capacity and education up through and including high school, maybe even college, and at least two units of sex ed taught awkwardly by instructors who blush when they say body part names.<br />
<br />
Along with the uterus, which will function as a mobile baby home for the next ten months, give or take, you will need an egg. A human egg, not a chicken egg, because first, eww, and second, I’m unaware of any successful human sperm-chicken egg pairings although the idea of 3D-printing machines in everyone’s home is not in the too-far-off future and we can scan our feet with some nifty new app and 3D-print shoes to exactly and precisely fit our own feet, which would be, to coin a phrase, both a load off and an amazing feet (feat?), but I digress.<br />
<br />
The egg must be viable, meaning that it is capable of being fertilized, and sadly, one cannot test this the way one can test whether chicken eggs have gone bad or not. So we will have to assume it is until proven otherwise, though if the attempted pregnancy is unsuccessful, there is no way of knowing which of the many steps and processes were to blame. If I did know how to do this, I’d be writing a book, which I could sell for $29.99 plus tax and make enough money to retire early and set up a quaint B&B in Vermont, but I don’t, so I can’t, and I’m here instead, trying with all of my tact and diplomacy to help you through this on Twitter.<br />
<br />
It's okay to have more than one egg, because if one turns out not to be viable, then another might be. Although, if you have two and both are viable then you could wind up with fraternal twins, which is cool in itself, but doesn’t lend itself to easy shopping for matching outfits. If you have three eggs, and they’re all viable, well then, my friend, you have an organization and you’d better name them all Alice.<br />
<br />
The whole viable egg thing is really kind of like one of those carnival balloon-and-dart games, where you throw the darts and try to pop the balloons and it’s really hard when you aim, but if you just throw a whole handful of darts in the general vicinity of the wall of balloons, one just might hit and you’ve got yourself a prize. Except the carnival prize doesn’t have to be fed and changed and educated for the next eighteen-to-twenty-two years. Unless the carnival prize is a goldfish, but even then, you’re looking at a few years, not two decades. Are you sure about this baby thing? Sure you don’t just want to get a goldfish? Okay, well… On we go then.<br />
<br />
You will also need sperm. Lots of sperm, because they are like cats in a way, and never go exactly where you want them to go, and sometimes don’t go anywhere, but instead hang out, lazily flicking their tails like a Maine Coon sunning itself in that warm patch of light on the window seat in a cozy north-facing bungalow in an older neighborhood east of the Mississippi.<br />
<br />
Really, you want active, excited sperm, who are all ready to go, pumped up after that pep talk by that one charismatic coach who would give both King Henry V and William Wallace a run for their money, and who loves the kids too much to leave for a better paying job even though he’s barely making ends meet and he’s going to be six days late with his rent next month.<br />
<br />
You’re also going to need some way to get the egg into the uterus, as eggs don’t grow in uteri any more than money grows on trees, and do not give me that argument about money being a combination of cotton and linen, both of which grow on plants, which are similar in some ways to trees, but not enough for this argument, which is really about the availability of money and the frequency in which it is needed, which brings to mind the fact that the US one-dollar bill only lasts 22 months on average, making it necessary to print new dollar bills fairly frequently.<br />
<br />
But back to the egg. You need to get it in the uterus, and with the egg being microscopic and all, it’s both easy and not. If you have (or are) a cis-woman who has consented willingly (with education, etc.) then she (or you) comes with the necessary parts to make this transfer happen without you needing to do anything other than ply her (and yourself) with plenty of chocolate at prescribed times of the month. If not, then there are other options, but they involve scary-looking scientists with gloved hands and masks over their faces, and if you need to go this route, you should really talk to your obstetrician rather than reading satirical essays on Twitter.<br />
<br />
I neglected to mention earlier, this egg you need must be at full maturity, as immature eggs do not respond well to sperm knocking on their doors at two in the morning, and are more likely to egg the sperm’s cars and TP their yards and send them anonymous cyber-bullying messages via Sarahah. Mature eggs are welcoming and will invite sperm in for tea and cookies with a reasonable expectation that neither are poisoned and the egg isn’t a psychotic serial killer in an egg disguise.<br />
<br />
So, now you have a mature egg, finding its way to the uterus through either some mystical Chutes & Ladders framework built into the female physiology (presuming, of course, that said physiology is all in good working order) or via the scary-scientists-with-masks-over-their-faces. And you have active, pumped-up, ready-to-rumble sperm, some of whom may or may not be cat-impersonators.<br />
<br />
Thus comes the hard part, which is also difficult. You must introduce the sperm to the egg, and it’s important to do this with delicacy and grace. Mature eggs do not care for speed dating, and are finicky, also much like cats, but less like the lazy Maine Coon and more like the very loud and vocal Siamese who turns its nose up at every affordable type of cat food you can buy and will only eat British Banquet brand cat food, containing caviar, line-caught salmon, lobster, and crab at $16.27 per serving, based on the conversion rates of British pounds to American dollars at the time of this writing.<br />
<br />
There are lots of ways to do this correctly, and several wrong ways as well. Since this is the tenth pregnancy, one assumes that you have found at least one way to do this correctly, and possibly nine different ways, not counting all the ways in which one may have tried but was unsuccessful in getting pregnant, which can be fun too. I will not spend too long on this step, as instinct helps here as well, and even when the brain isn’t sure what to do, the body usually does. Except when it doesn’t, which does happen from time to time, but they make pills for that now, and then one’s good to go for up to four hours.<br />
<br />
It's kind of magical—or can be, at any rate—at this point in the process. The sperm get to party, the egg gets to check out all the merchandise and make a selection (or pass altogether), and some humans, though not all, say they enjoy this part. Everybody sings a round or two of “put the lime in the coconut” and maybe does a conga line, and while nobody gets to watch this selection process with the naked eye, it will ideally result in a tiny human that will make you question all your life choices up until that moment when it makes googly eyes at you and then you will be back here on Twitter looking for advice for an eleventh because they are just too cute and cuddly even when one has to feed and water and change them and educate them in the ways of humanity.<br />
<br />
I know I said I would not spend too long on this step, and I must not too soon make it overly simple to say that humans, and really all reproducing species, have been doing this for a great many years, even long before Twitter was invented, or instructional data stored on floppy disks, or even mass-produced, printed and bound books with pictures and diagrams and all manner of useful information, shelved in the Parenting & Family section at Barnes & Noble.<br />
<br />
Because this is an eighteen-to-life sentence…er…commitment, on the one hand it behooves one, even though we’re still talking about human pregnancies, and none that I know of involve hooves, to have other things ready too, such as appropriate prenatal care and a trustworthy doctor and a safe place to put the baby when it finally, at four in the morning, decides that it wants to sleep, and diapers and soothers and toys… Well, let’s just say that you may find that such a tiny human often requires more supplies and accessories than it will move into a dorm room just eighteen years hence.<br />
<br />
Many say that they want to wait until a good time or until they have saved enough money, and this is wise and appropriate forethought, except that it is also impossible. There is no such thing as a good time or enough money, especially where tiny humans are concerned, as they require more hours than there are in a day and further require that you spend money as if it grew on trees, which we’ve already covered, and thus you remember it does not.<br />
<br />
But we are not there yet, as this is only the preparation and creation stage, not yet to the what-the-heck-did-I-sign-up-for stage. So, once the lime and the coconut have done their conga dance, it can take a little while for the egg to go through the various choices that the sperm have offered, similar to a college admissions officer or corporate hiring manager going through applications for one coveted spot, except that both the admissions officer and hiring manager ought to have pretty good ideas of what the job will require of the applicant, and the egg has — we suspect, based on interviews with eggs who did not immediately tell us to shove off — no real idea what will happen once it joins forces with the sperm. In this way, it’s very much a science experiment, mixing solutions and not knowing if one will wind up with the very useful and necessary H2O or the less friendly H2SO4. It’s exciting, I know, but all for the best to give the egg time to make a careful and measured decision, as if the life of the yet unborn human depends on it.<br />
<br />
Lean back and relax. The hard part is over, and the difficult part has just begun. Stay tuned for the next essay: Olympic Hurling — Morning Sickness as a Professional Sport.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Originally posted in 86 consecutive tweets on Twitter. </span></i>Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-68814174697407566722017-07-29T12:18:00.000-05:002017-07-29T12:18:18.602-05:00PTSD: a poem<div style="text-align: center;">
you hide</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in shadows and behind </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
darkened memories</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
looking for a weakness</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a way in</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a break in my flawed façade</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just a crack</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a whisper</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the chance to turn</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dream into nightmare</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
laughter to tears</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hope into ruin </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
love to loss </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you wait patiently</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
for me to fail</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to forget to be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
protective of this new life</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the one I built</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
created with my own hands</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a metamorphosis of self</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
reinvented </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a family to call my own</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a home</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a place to belong </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you hide and wait</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to destroy me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with nearly-forgotten pain</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but I will not</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
will not let you</div>
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because this time</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have something</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to live for</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Copyright ©2017 </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">by Sheyna Galyan</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">sheynagalyan.com</span></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-48432658624296253142017-07-23T17:13:00.000-05:002017-07-23T17:13:27.436-05:00Touchstones<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I recently returned from my first trip to Israel as part of a tour group from my synagogue. I'm still processing it, but was able to capture some of what it meant to me in the following poem.</i></div>
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<hr width="25%" />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Touchstones<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From the concrete and
glass of the airport<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To the plastic and
fiberglass of the plane<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Crowds and hushed whispers
and sleep that would not come<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It was night and then it
was morning—twice over<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The first days<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Venturing out into the
heat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am awestruck by this
city of stone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Modern yet historic<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Creating new technologies<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">While honoring those who fought
for this space<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From start-up to start
again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Failure is but a step<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Along the path to <i>tikkun
olam</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Inspired by an idea<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Brought to life with a
speech<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we rise and sing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Tunes familiar and
different<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Yet the same genuine
smiles<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We welcome Shabbat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Though we speak different
languages<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To say the same words<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We want to learn and
understand and know<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What do you make from your
life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Are you ever separate <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">from the bedrock of this
place?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and it
was morning. The third day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Words of Torah<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Written in sand, in stone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Who are we if we act based
on what we fear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Instead of who we know
ourselves to be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">On the shores of the
Mediterranean<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We look into the past<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And see ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Driven by a vision<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A thirst for both water
and freedom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hiding in plain sight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Fighting to make an idea
manifest<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A homeland<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A <i>makom kavua</i> for <i>am
Yisrael</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">One volunteer at a time<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">One bullet at a time<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">While the giraffes look on<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I stood in this place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Where they sang about
peace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Only to be silenced by a
gun<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I touched the stone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And was moved<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Then it was evening and
morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The fourth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A morning talk about
happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">About haves and have-nots<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">One thing is clear: when
we have <i>ice kafé</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We are happy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From the serenity of
biblical gardens<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We share our gratitude by
planting trees<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hope for the next
generation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">While honoring the walls<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That keep us safe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we travel deeper into
the mystery<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The visions of the <i>merkavah</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we place ourselves in
the <i>sefirot</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And ourselves become the
Tree<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Planted long before<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and it
was morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The fifth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">An oasis of beauty<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Leads to more stone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Solid walls of justice <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Through the gate that
bears<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The language of our
ancestors<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And our new friends<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A stone that proves we
were here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In ages past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I want to touch it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To connect here to there<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now to then<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But there is no need<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I am here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In this place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It is enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Loud booms shatter the
stillness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Smoke etches the sky<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As hate wreaks more
destruction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We watch, safe on our
mountaintop<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As the air shudders around
us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And we remember<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Peace is a choice<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Then with wine and
chocolate and water<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We celebrate with our
Muslim cousins<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There can be laughter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we navigate the rapids<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And a shared meal<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With friends we hadn’t yet
met<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Brings us back to our
center<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The why of it all<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It is the connections we
make<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That bind us together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and
then morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The sixth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From the youth of today<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To the leaders of tomorrow<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From the graves of those
who came before<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Who left us to be the
caretakers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of their children, their
legacies<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To the stages that once
teemed with Jewish blood<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And now resonate with
music<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We travel the last leg
home<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Ready to embrace the stone
at the center<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The heart and soul<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Yerushalayim</span></i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was an evening of
lights and a morning of light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The seventh day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We slip into a tunnel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Beneath the heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Surrounded by stone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Silent with the weight of
history<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Layers upon layers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It serves as a reminder<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That connection with the
holy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Requires we go deep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we approach the Kotel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The energy is thick<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With prayer and emotion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All of life’s struggles<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That are too heavy to bear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Are brought here to this
wall<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Seeping into the cracks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our hopes and dreams and
longing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Becoming the mortar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Touching stones worn
smooth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With tears and caresses<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And words uttered in pain
and joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Never meant for human
ears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There are claims upon
these stones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Sacred places, sacred
lands<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And the lines are neither
simple nor clear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Truth can be a mirage<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Not found on any map<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As the sun sets and rises
again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The eighth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">A song of descents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Even as we rise<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In the blistering heat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">From the top of a camel<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To the top of a mountain<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our tether to this place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Tenuous as a cord<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We ponder martyrdom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And the price of freedom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And what it means<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To truly fall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Mountain to sea<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Dry stone to sticky mud<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We descend until there is
no more to go<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And for this moment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we rest and lean back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Peace floats around us<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and
then morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The ninth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every gain has required
loss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every hope comes on the
heels of despair<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And <i>this</i> Hope<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">This place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">These stones<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Mark both ending and
beginning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Their memory haunts us
still<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We honor them<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With a place and a name<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And will never forget.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As Shabbat comes to us
again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It sinks into every sense<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Everything we have
experienced<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every food tasted<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every song sung<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Every stone touched<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We will carry with us
always<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and
morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The tenth day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It is art that speaks of
who we are<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Who we were<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The lives we led<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So it is fitting that we
end our journey<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With art that gives
purpose and brings joy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The art of architecture
and the art of love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Knowing that the shreds of
who we were<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Can be molded into new
strength<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And become the touchstones
of our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As we begin the long
flight to the west<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Home </span></i><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">now
has two meanings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And I can live in both<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">No matter where I reside<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And it was evening and it
was morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Corbel, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 107%;">Copyright
©2017 by Sheyna Galyan<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-49521958907460301532017-05-18T23:00:00.000-05:002017-09-01T12:22:29.329-05:00ReflectionsToday turned out to be a time of reflection on life and death and change and permanency. My own personal losses—parents, child—and losses affecting many more people.<br />
<br />
I've always thought of myself as more of a skeptic. I like proof, two or more reputable sources, things I can touch or see or hear. But the losses I've experienced have taught me an unshakable knowledge that death is...not. I've had too many experiences—things I've felt or seen or heard—that can <i>only</i> be explained if there is far more to our existence, our reality, than what can be interpreted by our very human senses.<br />
<br />
I am changed by every person who has come into my life, from the people I've met out in the world to the characters that come to life on book pages and screens. And even if they leave my presence, leave their bodies behind for me to bury, leave when the book ends or the screen goes dark, I am better for it.<br />
<br />
And even if they are not in my sight or hearing or touch, there is a part of them, a permanence, an energy, that will never, ever cease. It will transform and return in some way. In the very physical sense I had of my mother holding my hand, or of my father squeezing my shoulders, or of my daughter watching while I painted my home office sunflower yellow. In the stories that seem to write themselves, the words that come unbidden in conversation, the urge to speak to a friend.<br />
<br />
I am left tonight ever more certain that no one has actually, really departed, and that while I may sometimes feel alone, it is, in reality, quite impossible.<br />
<br />
The story continues. It will always continue in some way. Energy can be neither created nor destroyed. Only transformed. And us with it.Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14782911.post-75143017751244345742017-04-10T01:00:00.000-05:002017-09-01T12:22:45.367-05:00Fear Not<i>My greatest fear</i><br />
<i>Is that I’ll leave no trace</i><br />
<i>That I was ever here.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And I know that fear is irrational.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I have children</i><br />
<i>Who are growing into</i><br />
<i>Amazing young adults.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>My partner would argue</i><br />
<i>That I matter to him.</i><br />
<i>My friends tell me</i><br />
<i>I make a difference.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>They make a difference</i><br />
<i>To me as well</i><br />
<i>So I suppose I can understand that.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I was always the kid</i><br />
<i>Who worked behind the scenes</i><br />
<i>So that someone else</i><br />
<i>Could have the spotlight.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>A lifetime of being told I wasn’t</i><br />
<i>Attractive enough</i><br />
<i>Thin enough</i><br />
<i>Tall enough</i><br />
<i>Smart enough</i><br />
<i>Popular enough</i><br />
<i>Talented enough.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>A lifetime of being told</i><br />
<i>I wasn’t enough.</i><br />
<i>I didn’t matter</i><br />
<i>Except to help others achieve greatness.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>The one thing that </i><br />
<i>Brought me joy</i><br />
<i>Was writing.</i><br />
<i>Creating worlds and characters</i><br />
<i>Playing out my fears</i><br />
<i>And dreams</i><br />
<i>And challenges</i><br />
<i>On paper, under different names</i><br />
<i>Gave me an escape</i><br />
<i>From all the not-enoughness.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>But I didn’t share my writing.</i><br />
<i>That would be taking the spotlight</i><br />
<i>Meant for someone else.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I wrote a book</i><br />
<i>And it got published</i><br />
<i>But it didn’t change anything.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I started writing</i><br />
<i>Anonymously</i><br />
<i>Safely</i><br />
<i>About things I was going through</i><br />
<i>About abuse</i><br />
<i>And depression</i><br />
<i>And anxiety</i><br />
<i>And trauma.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>People started to take notice</i><br />
<i>And asked to share what I’d written.</i><br />
<i>I said yes but I didn’t understand</i><br />
<i>Why they liked it.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>It wasn’t happy</i><br />
<i>Or inspiring</i><br />
<i>Or hopeful.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>It was pain</i><br />
<i>And darkness</i><br />
<i>And tears</i><br />
<i>Shed alone.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I wrote another book</i><br />
<i>And had fun sharing it</i><br />
<i>But still nothing really changed</i><br />
<i>And the not-enoughness</i><br />
<i>Followed me.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>Finally I stepped</i><br />
<i>Out of the shadows</i><br />
<i>Out from behind the scenes</i><br />
<i>And began to speak</i><br />
<i>My truth</i><br />
<i>My experiences</i><br />
<i>My pain</i><br />
<i>My longing</i><br />
<i>My fears</i><br />
<i>My hopes</i><br />
<i>My self.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And people responded</i><br />
<i>By saying lovely things</i><br />
<i>That I didn’t understand.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>They said they wanted</i><br />
<i>To be here for me</i><br />
<i>To fight for me</i><br />
<i>To celebrate</i><br />
<i>Each step I took</i><br />
<i>In my own healing.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>They said I was strong</i><br />
<i>And courageous</i><br />
<i>And beautiful</i><br />
<i>And talented</i><br />
<i>And inspiring</i><br />
<i>And even things like</i><br />
<i>Funny and charismatic</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And quirky </i><br />
<i>Though I think that</i><br />
<i>Might not be</i><br />
<i>A compliment.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I hear and see their words</i><br />
<i>And I still don’t understand.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>If you knew me</i><br />
<i>Really knew me</i><br />
<i>My failures</i><br />
<i>And mistakes</i><br />
<i>If you saw</i><br />
<i>My apathy</i><br />
<i>My ignorance</i><br />
<i>The times I didn’t care enough</i><br />
<i>Didn’t try hard enough</i><br />
<i>Didn’t love enough</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>You would not say these things.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I don’t think I’m</i><br />
<i>Particularly inspiring</i><br />
<i>Or funny</i><br />
<i>Or beautiful</i><br />
<i>Or strong</i><br />
<i>Or brave</i><br />
<i>Or talented.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I see so many others</i><br />
<i>Who do so much more</i><br />
<i>Than I could ever do.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>My lifetime of experience</i><br />
<i>Tells me that these people</i><br />
<i>Are the ones who </i><br />
<i>Deserve the spotlight</i><br />
<i>The admiration</i><br />
<i>The praise</i><br />
<i>The love.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And yet that leaves me</i><br />
<i>Hiding again</i><br />
<i>Crying myself to sleep</i><br />
<i>In the hopes</i><br />
<i>That tomorrow</i><br />
<i>I will feel worthy</i><br />
<i>Of living another day.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I don’t like that option.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And what of all those</i><br />
<i>Who feel as I do</i><br />
<i>Yet are unable</i><br />
<i>Or unwilling</i><br />
<i>To speak</i><br />
<i>To share?</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>Perhaps the truth</i><br />
<i>Is hidden in paradox</i><br />
<i>That I cannot see</i><br />
<i>How others see me</i><br />
<i>The impact I have</i><br />
<i>The difference I make.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>Perhaps the truth</i><br />
<i>Is that I can only be</i><br />
<i>Who I was born to be</i><br />
<i>Even if</i><br />
<i>A lifetime of experience</i><br />
<i>Tried to defeat it.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>I can only shine</i><br />
<i>My own light.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>All I can do</i><br />
<i>Is follow the joy</i><br />
<i>And do those things</i><br />
<i>That make me come alive</i><br />
<i>And shine.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And if my light</i><br />
<i>Shines on others</i><br />
<i>And they perceive it</i><br />
<i>As strong</i><br />
<i>Or courageous</i><br />
<i>Or beautiful</i><br />
<i>Or inspiring</i><br />
<i>Or loving</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>Then it is no less true</i><br />
<i>Because I know my own imperfections.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>And if I practice</i><br />
<i>Following the joy</i><br />
<i>Speaking my truth</i><br />
<i>Sharing myself</i><br />
<i>Then perhaps</i><br />
<i>I can catch a glimpse</i><br />
<i>Of that light</i><br />
<i>And know</i><br />
<i>There was nothing</i><br />
<i>To be afraid of</i><br />
<i>After all.</i><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Sheyna Galyanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06168903155025395406noreply@blogger.com4